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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kid of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.38

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kid of food. with this opinion? v. 38
Nowadays people develop health problems which are sometimes triggered by consuming large proportions of junk foodstuff. To solve this problem, it is proposed that ministry impose the rising taxes. However, I do not totally agree with the statement. It is true that junk food can really make people unhealthy. Obesity, diabetes is the ailments which take their sources from this kind of snack. Nevertheless, taxes cannot make the process refine. Because it will only force poor and middle class of the society pay more. Consequently, they will find something as an alternative at a lower price to consume on a daily basis, which will possibly exacerbate their conditions. Fortunately, apart from increasing the taxes, there are other principles to apply in order to elevate the rate of sufferers. Firstly, people need to be educated about the constituent ingredients of the meal. To achieve it, regime can start campaigning for a healthy diet, healthy eating habits. It seems if people avoid products which contain excessive level of oil, sugar, flour, they will be healthy eater. Additionally, if products are illegal or their expiry date no longer available, later the state can ban these products. As these are more life threatening, prohibition in a bid to prevent the future negative circumstances will be helpful. To sum up, snack can still hold its place as a highly debatable matter in regards its connection with the health inconvenience. Nonetheless, the way out to save the life of the population is not the increasing the taxes. Instead of it, authorities should advertise health eating, and ban products which are inimical to people’s energy.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop health problems which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
triggered by consuming large proportions of junk foodstuff. To solve this problem, it
is proposed
The verb 'impose' is plural. Did you mean: "that ministry imposes"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that ministry impose
the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
.
However
, I do not
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.

It is true that junk food can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unhealthy. Obesity, diabetes is the ailments which take their sources from this kind of snack.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the process refine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
force poor and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of the society pay more.
Consequently
, they will find something as an alternative at a lower price to consume on a daily basis, which will
possibly
exacerbate their conditions.

Fortunately
, apart from increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, there are other principles to apply in order to elevate the rate of sufferers.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
be educated
about the constituent ingredients of the meal. To achieve it, regime can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
campaigning for a healthy diet, healthy eating habits. It seems if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which contain excessive level of oil, sugar, flour, they will be healthy eater.
Additionally
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are illegal or their expiry date no longer available, later the state can ban these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. As these are more life threatening, prohibition in a bid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
circumstances will be helpful.

To sum up, snack can
still
hold its place as a
highly
debatable matter in regards its connection with the health inconvenience. Nonetheless, the way out to save the life of the population is not the increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
.
Instead
of it, authorities should advertise health eating, and ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are inimical to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
energy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kid of food. with this opinion? v. 38

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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