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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as fb) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as fb) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1
Experts throughout the developing and developed nations believe that, sophisticated modern applications such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are having many detrimental impacts on our lives. Personally, I strongly advocate the former view. In this essay, I shall suggest a number of ways in which these social networking sites could be fatal. On one hand, there is ample, powerful, almost daily evidence that, these modern applications bring immeasurable benefits. People are now able to connect with their loved ones, without facing any geographical barriers. These networking applications allow people to experience the sense of connectivity by sharing their photos, news, and information with family and friends. For example, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, students who use these networking applications, to stay in touch with their family are less likely to suffer from mental distress. Therefore, it is apparent that, these applications are making our life much easier. However, on the other hand, by using these applications, many people are now lacking crucial face-to-face interaction skills. Many people, especially teenager’s, are now addicted to this virtual world. This is borne out by a study completed at the University of Melbourne which demonstrated that, more than 85% of teenagers spend most of their time updating and enhancing their profile on Facebook. In addition, apart from providing a fake sense of social security, these networking sites are pushing people more towards living a sedentary life. In conclusion, it is probably certainly the case that, by using these sophisticated applications, it is now possible to stay connected with our loved ones. Nonetheless, I am still convinced that, these applications are having more detrimental effects on our social skills.
Experts throughout the developing and developed nations believe that, sophisticated modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental impacts on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Personally
, I
strongly
advocate the former view. In this essay, I shall suggest a number of ways in which these social networking sites could be fatal.

On one hand, there is ample, powerful, almost daily evidence that, these modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
bring immeasurable benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
able to connect with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, without facing any geographical barriers. These networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to experience the sense of connectivity by sharing their photos, news, and information with family and friends.

For example
, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
, to stay in touch with their family are less likely to suffer from mental distress.
Therefore
, it is apparent that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
are making our life much easier.

However
,
on the other hand
, by using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
lacking crucial face-to-face interaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
’s, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
addicted to this virtual world. This
is borne
out by a study completed at the University of Melbourne which demonstrated that, more than 85% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend most of their time updating and enhancing their profile on Facebook.
In addition
, apart from providing a fake sense of social security, these networking sites are pushing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more towards living a sedentary life.

In conclusion
, it is
probably
certainly
the case that, by using these sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
possible to stay connected with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Nonetheless, I am
still
convinced that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
are having more detrimental effects on our social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as fb) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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