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Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviour most. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviour most. v. 1
It is evident that television has a significant effect on children. While it is hard to determine whether the length of time spent on TV programs or its content has more marked impacts on preschoolers, I concur that both sides influence the behaviors of the youth equally. On the one hand, watching television for a long period of time would exert a host of detrimental effects on children. Firstly, the longer youngsters view TV programs, the higher the chances they would get addicted to it. As they solely seek entertainment from television, it is inevitable that those young watchers/audience would neglect their participant participation in outdoor activities, which makes them prone to sedentary-related diseases such as obesity, muscle degeneration, and high blood pressure, . excessive attention on paid to TV shows would also impair their communication skills. Specifically, by spending too much overmuch time behind in front of the screen, the juvenile would be discouraged from real-life interaction with family members and the outside world, depriving them themselves of opportunities to socialize. This, hence, would hinder their social development and profoundly affect their adulthood in the long run. On the other hand, the consequence of children watching inappropriate materials would be also deleterious. Since they could not distinguish between the right and the wrong, counter-educational programs which broadcast violence and pornography as well as negative modelings such as smoking, alcohol abuse, and swearing, could easily make children fall under the impression that those things are trendy. More seriously, they could end up imitating those inappropriate behaviors and adopting an unhealthy lifestyle. As an illustration, children who are exposed to violent shows and games at the early age not only often exhibit aggressive emotion and behaviors but also have a high potential of committing crimes, which poses a threat on the well-being of society. In conclusion, I am inclined to the school of thought that both the content viewed by children and the time they allocate for television would have implications on their conducts. When it comes to monitoring children‘s television viewing habits, it is imperative to provide timely parental guidance coped with stringent governmental regulations.
It is evident that
television
has a significant effect on
children
. While it is
hard
to determine whether the length of
time
spent on TV programs or its content has more marked impacts on preschoolers, I concur that both sides influence the behaviors of the youth
equally
.

On the one hand, watching
television
for a long period of
time
would exert a host of detrimental effects on
children
.
Firstly
, the longer youngsters view TV programs, the higher the chances they would
get
addicted to it. As they
solely
seek entertainment from
television
, it is inevitable that those young watchers/audience would neglect their participant participation in outdoor activities, which
makes
them prone to sedentary-related diseases such as obesity, muscle degeneration, and high blood pressure
, .
excessive
attention on paid to TV
shows
would
also
impair their communication
skills
.
Specifically
, by spending too much overmuch
time
behind in front of the screen, the juvenile would
be discouraged
from real-life interaction with family members and the outside world, depriving them themselves of opportunities to socialize. This,
hence
, would hinder their social development and
profoundly
affect their adulthood in the long run.

On the other hand
, the consequence of
children
watching inappropriate materials would be
also
deleterious. Since they could not distinguish between the right and the
wrong
, counter-educational programs which broadcast violence and pornography
as well
as
negative
modelings such as smoking, alcohol abuse, and swearing, could
easily
make
children
fall under the impression that those things are trendy. More
seriously
, they could
end
up imitating those inappropriate behaviors and adopting an unhealthy lifestyle. As an illustration,
children
who
are exposed
to violent
shows
and games at the early age not
only
often
exhibit aggressive emotion and behaviors
but
also
have a high potential of committing crimes, which poses a threat on the well-being of society.

In conclusion
, I
am inclined
to the school of
thought
that both the content viewed by
children
and the
time
they allocate for
television
would have implications on their conducts. When it
comes
to monitoring
children‘s
television
viewing habits, it is imperative to provide timely parental guidance coped with stringent governmental regulations.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviour most. v. 1

Essay
4 paragraphs
355 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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