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Violence in the media promote violence in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Violence in the media promote violence in the society. v. 1
Breakthroughs in Media have already brought about tremendous changes in all walks of human life, the world over. It is considered by many people that violence in media leads to the promotion of violent activities in societies. I partially agree with this statement and in my opinion it has both poistive and negative sides. To commence with benefits, telecast of violent activities in news or movies not only creates awarness among the people but also makes knowledgeable about such incidents. This helps an individual to be more careful and prepared to face any situations. Moreover, it also helps to reduce crime rates. For example, In recent news, a person was looted and murdered while returning to home by some criminal gang on a specific road at night, so it encourages people to avoid such routes when they are travelling at night. However, if we look at the downside, there are numerous detrimental effects on younger childern. Nowadays, Younger Youths, on an average spend around 3-4 hours on watching videos on Youtube, Movies and playing Games. These media contains huge violent contents such as shooting and figthing scences. On watching these repeadtly, they easily get influenced and might tend to practice their own. For example, by seeing the wrestling videos a child could attempt the same actions on their friends and siblings. Therefore, In later stages, it can effect children behaviour and they could become aggressive. In conclusion, broadcasting violent contents helps the group of people to tackle those actions wisely but at the same time it may provoke the youth to do such violent activities.
Breakthroughs in Media have already brought about tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in all walks of human life, the world over. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that violence in media leads to the promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
activities in societies. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and in my opinion it has both
Possible spelling mistake found.
poistive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.

To commence with benefits, telecast of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
activities in news or movies not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creates
Possible spelling mistake found.
awarness
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
knowledgeable about such incidents. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an individual to be more careful and prepared to face any situations.
Moreover
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
crime rates.
For example
, In recent news, a person
was looted
and murdered while returning to home by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminal gang on a specific road at night,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid such routes when they are travelling at night.

However
, if we look at the downside, there are numerous detrimental effects on younger
Possible spelling mistake found.
childern
. Nowadays, Younger Youths, on an average spend around 3-4 hours on watching videos on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
, Movies and playing Games. These media contains huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents such as shooting and
Possible spelling mistake found.
figthing
Possible spelling mistake found.
scences
. On watching these
Possible spelling mistake found.
repeadtly
, they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced and might tend to practice their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For example
, by seeing the wrestling videos a child could attempt the same actions on their friends and siblings.
Therefore
, In later stages, it can effect children
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
behaviour and
they could become aggressive.

In conclusion
, broadcasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to tackle those actions
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time it may provoke the youth to do such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
activities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Violence in the media promote violence in the society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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