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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.12

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 12
An increasing number of people would like to visit areas of extreme condition, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic or the Mountain Everest. This could leave the impressive experiences in a person's life, but it also exists some risks during the journey. Visiting places of difficult conditions can give people a unique experience. This is because extreme conditional areas are not the places that is suitable for human's living, which could motivate people's willpower and make tourists braver. Meanwhile, the magnificent landscape of those places benefits visitors to understand the world deeply and broaden their horizon. For example, Wang Shi, a successful businessman in China and keen on adventure, often express that the success of his business is from the experience of his adventure in the Antarctic and many famous snow mountains. However, such travel also could set tourists in dangerous. The extreme weather and other factors may make people injured and even be harmful to their lives. If travellers’ any gear has any problem, it will be desperately dangerous for them, especially for a single tourist. For instance, two Beijing University's students died in the Mount Everest due to the blasting snow and the broken of their communication equipment ten years ago. In conclusion, traveling areas where conditions are difficult contribute people to experience an impressive journey, but it also may bring unsafe for people. It is suitable for people who are willing to try some different experiences and not fear the uncertain risks.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to visit areas of extreme condition, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic or the Mountain Everest. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in a person's life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
exists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
during the journey.

Visiting places of difficult conditions can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
extreme conditional areas are not the places
that is
suitable for human's living, which could motivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's willpower and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
tourists braver. Meanwhile, the magnificent landscape of those places benefits visitors to understand the world
deeply
and broaden their horizon.
For example
, Wang Shi, a successful businessman in China and keen on adventure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
express that the success of his business is from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of his adventure in the Antarctic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
snow mountains.

However
, such travel
also
could set tourists in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. The extreme weather and other factors may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
injured and even be harmful to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. If
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
’ any gear has any problem, it will be
desperately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them,
especially
for a single tourist.
For instance
, two Beijing University's students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in the Mount Everest due to the blasting snow and
The phrase 'the broken of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the broken of
their communication equipment ten years ago.

In conclusion
, traveling areas where conditions are difficult contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
an impressive journey,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
may bring unsafe for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are willing to try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and not fear the uncertain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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