Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Violence in the media promotes violence in society. v. 1
In the complexity of the world nowadays, people can easily access information through media from many channels such as television, newspaper, and website. Moreover, the media, which influence people in every age, from the juvenile and the elderly, could contain violent contents and it might support the society to create violence or commit a crime. In this essay, I agree with the statement and provide reasons and examples in the following paragraphs. First of all, due to the increasing number of people accessing to the media. In fact, various media influences on individuals’ daily life. Moreover, violent contents commonly exist in the media such as in video games, movies, and news. Since the behaviour of most people that easily trust the media, it made them incorrectly consume the media. Therefore, violent contents in the media could support the people to imitate and follow. For example, there was a case in Thailand, a student that brought the pistol to school to show his friends, after learning the usage from the internet. Accidentally, he shot his friend to death. As a result, the increasing audience accessing to violent contents can lead them to commit a crime in the future. Second of all, most people get used to the violent contents in the media. Indeed, most of the media bring up the violence as their main themes such as thriller films, shooting games, and the news report of a crime. Thereby, individuals assumed that brutality is an ordinary thing and acceptable. Besides, it changed individuals’ behaviour to be more aggressive, nervous, and choleric. Moreover, this behaviour could lead the people to solve the problem using violence and think negatively. For instance, there was a case of a mass shooting in the United States with 17 people killed, a criminal mentioned a first-person shooting video games, and he thought that video games taught people to kill. Consequently, if the media promotes more about violence to the individuals, it might trigger the people’s negative thoughts and support them to the rampage. To sum up, the media tend to be an important part of our life, it means that the violent contents, which existed in the media can also affect the individuals’ thought, people must consume media consciously and determine what is right or wrong. So that they could not be controlled by the violence
In the complexity of the world nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
access information through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
channels such as television, newspaper, and website.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, which influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every age, from the juvenile and the elderly, could contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents and it might support the society to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
or commit a crime. In this essay, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and provide reasons and examples in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, due to the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accessing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. In fact, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
daily life.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents
commonly
exist in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as in video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, movies, and news. Since the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
easily
trust the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, it made them
incorrectly
consume the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
could support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to imitate and follow.
For example
, there was a case in Thailand, a student that brought the pistol to school to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
his friends, after learning the usage from the internet.
Accidentally
, he shot his friend to death.
As a result
, the increasing audience accessing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents can lead them to commit a crime in the future.

Second of all, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Indeed
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
bring up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
as their main themes such as thriller films, shooting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and the news report of a crime. Thereby,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
assumed that brutality is an ordinary thing and acceptable.
Besides
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to be more aggressive, nervous, and choleric.
Moreover
, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
could lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to solve the problem using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
negatively
.
For instance
, there was a case of a mass shooting in the United States with 17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
killed, a criminal mentioned a
first
-person shooting video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to kill.
Consequently
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
promotes more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, it might trigger the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts and support them to the rampage.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
tend to be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our life, it means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents, which existed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
also
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
consciously
and determine what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
they could not
be controlled
by the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
violence
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Violence in the media promotes violence in society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts