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Violence in the media promotes violence in society to what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Violence in the media promotes violence in society v. 1
Admittedly, the world of media has influenced the society to a great extent in the past few decades. It is asserted that media provokes the mind of people to act violently and puts a negative impact on the habitat. I strongly agree with this notion and some of the major stances to support my viewpoint have been discussed in the further paragraphs. To begin, with the fact that media play a crucial role in providing the information from a source to various people. The publishing of contents consisting mature and violence could adversely affect the mind of people. Many aggressive men, for instance, start domestic violence by watching TV programs involving such activities. Thus, it destroys the relations and encourage anti-social activities. Furthermore, the most influential generation is children who can be easily convinced to commit crimes to show the heroic image in front of their peers after watching violent scenes in movies and thriller series. To exemplify, some child's rag and Bully the week, students at the school which is likely to be a criminal offence owing to the continuing influence of media. Consequently, they become criminal creating hazardous effect on their education and career. In addition to it, advertising and news media also often release videos of various scams and serious activities such as murders, Gang Wars, Encounters and many more which creates the bad response to the sensitive people. Individuals get anxiety attacks after watching criminal activities and fight among gangsters. Thus, society gets badly influenced by this phenomenon. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that the media give an information to various people across the globe and act as an intermediate our publishing method and violent contents on TV, newspapers and print media also negatively inspired the minds of common people.
Admittedly
, the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has influenced the society to a great extent in the past few decades. It
is asserted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
provokes the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to act
violently
and puts a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the habitat. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
major stances to support my viewpoint have
been discussed
in the
further
paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
play a crucial role in providing the information from a source to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The publishing of contents consisting mature and violence could
adversely
affect the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
aggressive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
domestic violence by watching TV programs involving such activities.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the relations and encourage anti-social activities.

Furthermore
, the most influential generation is children who can be
easily
convinced to commit crimes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the heroic image in front of their peers after watching violent scenes in movies and thriller series. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
child's rag and Bully the week, students at the school which is likely to be a criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
owing to the continuing influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Consequently
, they become criminal creating hazardous effect on their education and career.

In addition
to it, advertising and news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
release videos of various scams and serious activities such as murders, Gang Wars, Encounters and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more which creates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
response to the sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anxiety attacks after watching criminal activities and fight among gangsters.
Thus
, society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
badly
influenced by this phenomenon.

In conclusion
, it can
be reiterated
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
give an information to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe and act as an intermediate our publishing method and violent contents on TV, newspapers and print
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
negatively
inspired the minds of common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Violence in the media promotes violence in society v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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