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Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 2
According to some, delinquents should not be send to prison, rather than, education and occupation training should be implemented. I highly agree that education and job training approaches should be adopted instead of prison sentences unless for some dangerous criminals. To begin with, it is undeniable that crimes including kidnap, mug, murder and smuggle are very dangerous for both people and society. Because, these crimes not only diminish citizen’s quality of life, but also threaten their safety. So, I think that prison should be compulsory for who commit these crimes. By doing this, offenders would be afraid of these severe punishments and are therefore less likely to offend again. Thus, prison provides an opportunity for perpetrators to be reformed. Also, when dangerous offenders are kept in jail, there is any relationship between them and other people. This causes less crime in society and brings about safety for the citizens. However, in my opinion, many criminals such as who commit crime unintentionally don’t need to send to prison because they are not aware of what they do. A significant percentage of crime stems from insufficient education so raising awareness of people about crimes can greatly deter individuals from doing illegal actions and causes low crime rate. Job training also turns criminals into a skillful person and offer them a great opportunity to land jobs and support themselves. In conclusion, although I think that prison should be used as a means to deter dangerous crimes, in my opinion education and job training are more sustainable crime-fighting solutions than prison for many offenders.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, delinquents should not be
Consider using a past participle here: "sent".
send
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
,
rather
than,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and occupation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
should
be implemented
. I
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
approaches should
be adopted
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentences unless for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
criminals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
including kidnap, mug, murder and smuggle are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
for both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
diminish citizen’s quality of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
threaten their safety.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
should be compulsory for who commit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. By doing this, offenders would be afraid of these severe punishments and are
therefore
less likely to offend again.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
provides an opportunity for perpetrators to
be reformed
.
Also
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
offenders are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in jail, there is any relationship between them and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This causes less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in society and brings about safety for the citizens.

However
, in my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminals such as who commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
unintentionally
don’t need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not aware of what they do. A significant percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
stems from insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
raising awareness of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can
greatly
deter individuals from doing illegal actions and causes low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
also
turns criminals into a skillful person and offer them a great opportunity to land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and support themselves.

In conclusion
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a means to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
are more sustainable crime-fighting solutions than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offenders.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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