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Violence in schools has reached an alarming rate. What are the causes of this problem? What measures can you suggest to overcome this issue? v.2

Violence in schools has reached an alarming rate. What are the causes of this problem? What measures can you suggest to overcome this issue? v. 2
There is no denying that children learn by observing and copying, and to mention the downside of it, with very little discrimination. Among the tremendous influences which set the examples they follow are the adults they are in touch with as well as the media they are exposed to. Thus, if children evince violent behavior at school, most probably they are imitating what they have already been exposed to. Ergo, any solution to this problem has to be devised under the auspices of these influences. Parents who openly argue or quarrel in front of their children and may even resort to verbal or physical violence are the chief culprits in this matter. Of course, not always do children positively copy their parents’ misbehavior, which of course is frequently the case, but they at times reflect the anxiety and chaos in the home in their behavior at school. Bullying, using strong language, fighting and other abnormal manners can be easily traced back to this reason. This is unfortunately fueled by the violence on display in films or video games children watch or play without proper monitoring. Many are the children who have easy access to programs produced for adults representing graphic scenes and aggression and such is the effect they leave on children. The solution is not far-fetched and the spots to look for it are undoubtedly the family and the media. Should parents receive adequate professional support from psychologist or social workers and should they be trained in parenting and problem-solving skills, they would absolutely be in better control of their behavior and be better role models for their children. A child who is fed with love and affection may impart nothing but love. As with the role of the media, better labeling of programs and stronger measures to limit the access of irrelevant age groups to all films and shows can second the move to providing better environment for them to grow. Regressing to the fact mentioned in the opening paragraph, children are perfect observers and imitators and if well-monitored, they will rarely misbehave. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that whatsoever goes wrong at school can in no way be separated from what goes on at home; therefore, for children who have an inner predisposition to copy and emulate, imitable role models are essential.
There is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn by observing and copying, and to mention the downside of it, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
discrimination. Among the tremendous influences which set the examples they follow are the adults they are in touch with
as well
as the media they
are exposed
to.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
evince violent behavior at school, most
probably
they are imitating what they have already
been exposed
to. Ergo, any solution to this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be devised
under the auspices of these influences.

Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
openly
argue or quarrel in front of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and may even resort to verbal or physical violence are the chief culprits in this matter.
Of course
, not always do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
positively
copy their parents’ misbehavior, which
of course
is
frequently
the case,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they at times reflect the anxiety and chaos in the home in their behavior at school. Bullying, using strong language, fighting and other abnormal manners can be
easily
traced back to this reason. This is unfortunately fueled by the violence on display in films or video games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or play without proper monitoring.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have easy access to programs produced for adults representing graphic scenes and aggression and such is the effect they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
on children.

The solution is not far-fetched and the spots to look for it are
undoubtedly
the family and the media. Should parents receive adequate professional support from psychologist or social workers and should they
be trained
in parenting and problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they would
absolutely
be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
control of their behavior and be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
role models for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is fed
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection may impart nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. As with the role of the media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
labeling of programs and stronger measures to limit the access of irrelevant age groups to all films and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
can second the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
environment for them to grow. Regressing to the fact mentioned in the opening paragraph,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are perfect observers and imitators and if well-monitored, they will rarely misbehave.

In conclusion
, it can
be reiterated
that whatsoever goes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
at school can in no way
be separated
from what goes on at home;
therefore
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have an inner predisposition to copy and emulate, imitable role models are essential.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Violence in schools has reached an alarming rate. What are the causes of this problem? What measures can you suggest to overcome this issue? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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