Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays, the number of obese children is increasing at an alarming rate. What are some of the causes of this increase and how can the problem be solved? v.2

Nowadays, the number of obese children is increasing at an alarming rate. What are some of the causes of this increase and how can the problem be solved? v. 2
Recently, it is widely stated that obesity amongst youngsters is being increasingly grown as a serious hazard. There are many reasons correlated to this issue, such as by far the highest consumption of ultra-processed food worldwide, and the sedentary lifestyle of societies over the world. Authorities by allocating a higher excise tax on junk food and the provision of the public amusing area across the cities can address this problem. In the modern world, minors are most passionate about high processed food, for instance, candy, chips, fast food, etc. These means of food have loads of side effects on our metabolic systems so as to raise the rate of body weights. According to the article_ a new theory of obesity_ in the England Medicine journal, the ultra-processed food for the sake of the devastation of the gut-brain signals causes people to overeat. In addition, these foods appear to slow the rate of body fat loss. In addition, the children nowadays spend most of their spare time in the back of screens, playing computer games, chatting with their friends via their smartphones, and also vegging out in front of the TV rather than going out having the intensive activities. Thereby, the population of overweight children is exponentially climbing. On one hand, if nations sold the processed food with the excess taxes, it would have an efficient impact on the frequency of its demand. On the other hand, authorities can provide much sports equipment in public parks and more playgrounds over the cities in order to encourage the children to enjoy themselves with more physical activities. As a result of that, the youngsters can consume their energy and burn the fat of the eaten nourishment as never before. In conclusion, the junk food and lacking the physical activities lead the new generation to the obese hazard, all the societies have to take a step to encounter with this issue. Therefore, if people forced to pay more money on unhealthy foods, moreover, if they are supplied by some amusing facilities, they will have the right bias toward a more beneficial career.
Recently, it is
widely
stated that obesity amongst youngsters is being
increasingly
grown as a serious hazard. There are
many
reasons correlated to this issue, such as by far the highest consumption of ultra-processed
food
worldwide, and the sedentary lifestyle of societies over the world. Authorities by allocating a higher excise tax on junk
food
and the provision of the public amusing area across the cities can address this problem.

In the modern world, minors are most passionate about high processed
food
,
for instance
, candy, chips,
fast
food
, etc. These means of
food
have loads of side effects on our metabolic systems
so as to
raise the rate of body weights. According to the article_ a new theory of obesity_ in the England Medicine journal, the ultra-processed
food
for the sake of the devastation of the gut-brain signals causes
people
to overeat.
In addition
, these
foods
appear to slow the rate of body
fat
loss.
In addition
, the children nowadays spend most of their spare time in the back of screens, playing computer games, chatting with their friends via their smartphones, and
also
vegging out in front of the TV
rather
than going out having the intensive activities. Thereby, the population of overweight children is
exponentially
climbing.

On one hand, if nations sold the processed
food
with the excess taxes, it would have an efficient impact on the frequency of its demand.
On the other hand
, authorities can provide much sports equipment in public parks and more playgrounds over the cities in order to encourage the children to enjoy themselves with more physical activities.
As a result
of that, the youngsters can consume their energy and burn the
fat
of the eaten nourishment as never
before
.

In conclusion
, the junk
food
and lacking the physical activities lead the new generation to the obese hazard, all the societies
have to
take a step to encounter with this issue.
Therefore
, if
people
forced to pay more money on unhealthy
foods
,
moreover
, if they
are supplied
by
some
amusing facilities, they will have the right bias toward a more beneficial career.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays, the number of obese children is increasing at an alarming rate. What are some of the causes of this increase and how can the problem be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts