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Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back bullies. Discuss this view and give your opinion. v.1

Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back bullies. Discuss this view and give your opinion. v. 1
All fields of any industry equally contribute to the positive and vital role in the growth of any nation. Most of the administrations feel that financial growth is a meaningful target rather than others believe that all trades are evenly important for the country. I am certain that all factors are necessary for any society to grow up. This essay will illustrate both points. Firstly, economic condition is the backbone of any state and the government has a strong economic position, then it can provide the ideal facilities to their individuals. Moreover, if the community has strong economic they provide opportunities to their people to think creatively and research in various fields and competes for the globe. For instance, most of the people are coming to their country for employment and provide their abilities for bitterness in all sectors and make a role model for the world. On the other hand, all industries contribute equally part to the development of any country. Because financial strength is not the only part to compete in the world. However, if any, state strong in other factors, its automatically enhances the national assets and produces more jobs for all people and the percentage of unemployment almost ended. For example, agriculture filed is not operating properly, then food can be exported from other countries, so its negative impact on the country. In conclusion, the economy is a key marker of a country’s success, but social, environmental and health criteria are equally significant.
All fields of any industry
equally
contribute to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and vital role in the growth of any nation. Most of the administrations feel that financial growth is a meaningful target
rather
than others believe that all trades are
evenly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I am certain that all factors are necessary for any society to grow up. This essay will illustrate both points.

Firstly
, economic condition is the backbone of any state and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has a strong economic position, then it can provide the ideal facilities to their individuals.
Moreover
, if the community has strong economic they provide opportunities to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
creatively
and research in various fields and competes for the globe.
For instance
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are coming to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for employment and provide their abilities for bitterness in all sectors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a role model for the world.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, all industries contribute
equally
part to the development of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
financial strength is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
part to compete in the world.
However
, if any, state strong in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors, its
automatically
enhances the national assets and produces more jobs for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the percentage of unemployment almost ended.
For example
, agriculture filed is not operating
properly
, then food can
be exported
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the country.

In conclusion
, the economy is a key marker of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
social, environmental and health criteria are
equally
significant.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back bullies. Discuss this view and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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