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TPO 29 - Question 4Explain how the example from the professor's lecture illustrates the practice of scatter hoarding. v.1

TPO 29 - Question 4Explain how the example from the professor's lecture illustrates the practice of scatter hoarding. v. 1
In recent years, many parents love to send their children for foreign language training classes from an early age. According to them, It is better for child’s growth that they get a grasp on foreign languages as early as possible. This approach has some benefits to kids and parents, but it’s drawbacks cannot be overlooked. To embark with, the major advantage of introducing a new language early on is that it gives a scope to develop a high level of proficiency in it. Besides this, It adds up to the child’s confidence to communicate in various languages. Also, another advantage of learning additional language is that it enhances the cognitive skills of children. For example, a recent study in Britain declared that a person who have fluency in more than one language, their brain has ability learn different things utmost at half speed than a normal human being, Albert Einstein spoke five different languages from an early age and there is no doubt that he was one of the greatest mind on the earth. However, There are some drawbacks of exposing kids to additional languages than mother tongue from a younger age. Kids might get confused with dialects and they struggle with fluency in their own native language. Moreover, kids nowadays have to deal with a lot of subjects like maths, science, geometry. Adding new responsibility to learn a complete new language might add up to their burden and they might feel depressed. For example, children in Malaysia have to learn two additional languages, Tamil and Chinese along with their native language Malay, It eventually makes them tired. To put this in a nutshell, I believe that even though there are a couple of drawbacks of educating children to be multilingual from the early age, but the benefits outweigh with the inclusion of better communication skills and higher IQ. Parents and teacher needs to ensure that new language does not become burdens on little ones.
In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
training classes from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. According to them, It is better for child’s growth that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a grasp on foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible. This approach has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s drawbacks cannot
be overlooked
.

To embark with, the major advantage of introducing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
on is that it gives a scope to develop a high level of proficiency in it.
Besides
this, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
up to the child’s confidence to communicate in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Also
, another advantage of learning additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is that it enhances the cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, a recent study in Britain declared that a person who have fluency in more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, their brain has ability learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things utmost at half speed than a normal human being, Albert Einstein spoke five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and there is no doubt that he was one of the greatest mind on the earth.

However
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of exposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
than mother tongue from a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
confused with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dialects and
they struggle with fluency in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
subjects like
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, science, geometry. Adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
responsibility to learn a complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
burden and
they might feel depressed.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in Malaysia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn two additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, Tamil and Chinese along with their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
Malay, It
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them tired.

To put this in a nutshell, I believe that
even though
there are a couple of drawbacks of educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be multilingual from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits outweigh with the inclusion of better communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and higher IQ. Parents and teacher needs to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
does not become burdens on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 29 - Question 4Explain how the example from the professor's lecture illustrates the practice of scatter hoarding. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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