Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree: It’s more important for the government to spend money to build art museums and music performance centers than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool and playgrounds)? v.1

: It’s more important for the government to spend money to build art museums and music performance centers than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool and playgrounds)? v. 1
No one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that governments spent a lot of money in different areas to provide an appropriate situation for blooming people in the societies. This money should be the expense in a optimize manner which all people in the society could be gain specific profit by using the various services provided by the governments. Not all people concur when this issue arises. To being cognizant to the logic behind those who endorse or repudiate the legitimacy of this contention, not having any biased perception, I presume that devoted money for establishment new art museums and music performance center is most profitable for the societies in comparing with some entertainment facilities. Among a plentitude of reason in support of this assertion, cultural and social effect of this action could be picked out for further analysis. To commence with, a consensus has yet to be reached; however, regarding the importance of the culture in the prosperity of the society, based upon the statistics of different general questionnaires in sundry countries, people are unanimous about the conviction that music and art are the indicators of the culture in each place. To elucidate on, people with a deep background in this area are more flourish and could provide a better lifestyle standards for themselves; moreover, they could transfer their culture and lifestyle facets to other countries by using art and music. Thus, these places could help to boom the talent of young people and improve the culture of any societies. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was elaborated above. The result of a study carried out by Rice University graduate students unveiled the fact that the Italian rank in the life aspect standards and tranquility is improved from 100th to 20th by spending a lot of money for reviving the music and art in this old country. In addition to the reason raised above, the implication of conserving art and music remanents as a valuable legacy for the future’s generation could also substantiate the justifiability of the claim made at the outset of this essay. In conjunction with public belief, children would be familiar with their parents’ effort in the improvement of the societies by considering the places for art and music. It is our duty to preserve these relics in a safe place and transfer them to next generation. For instance, my grandpa was played a special Persian music instrument as a professional player and he teaches it to my father. Now my father is a successful music player and singer. This example shows the importance of the saving music and art legacies for the future. Drawing upon the reasons, discreetly put, as far as my personal perspective on the topic is concerned, I reiterate that building new music and art museums and centers could improve the cultural and social aspects of a society in the current time and in the future.
No one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that
governments
spent
a lot of
money
in
different
areas to provide an appropriate situation for blooming
people
in the
societies
. This
money
should be the expense in
a
optimize manner which all
people
in the
society
could be gain specific profit by using the various services provided by the
governments
. Not all
people
concur when this issue arises. To being cognizant to the logic behind those who endorse or repudiate the legitimacy of this contention, not having any biased perception, I presume that devoted
money
for establishment new
art
museums and
music
performance center is most profitable for the
societies
in comparing with
some
entertainment facilities. Among a
plentitude
of reason in support of this assertion, cultural and social effect of this action could
be picked
out for
further
analysis.

To commence with, a consensus has
yet
to
be reached
;
however
, regarding the importance of the
culture
in the prosperity of the
society
, based upon the statistics of
different
general questionnaires in sundry countries,
people
are unanimous about the conviction that
music
and
art
are the indicators of the
culture
in each
place
. To elucidate on,
people
with a deep background in this area are more flourish and could provide a better lifestyle standards for themselves;
moreover
, they could transfer their
culture
and lifestyle facets to other countries by using
art
and
music
.
Thus
, these
places
could
help
to boom the talent of young
people
and
improve
the
culture
of any
societies
. A vivid example can be
given
to shed light on what
was elaborated
above. The result of a study carried out by Rice University graduate students unveiled the fact that the Italian rank in the life aspect standards and tranquility is
improved
from 100th to 20th by spending
a lot of
money
for reviving the
music
and
art
in this
old
country.

In addition
to the reason raised above, the implication of conserving
art
and
music
remanents
as a valuable legacy for the future’s generation could
also
substantiate the
justifiability
of the claim made at the outset of this essay. In conjunction with public belief, children would be familiar with their parents’ effort in the improvement of the
societies
by considering the
places
for
art
and
music
. It is our duty to preserve these relics in a safe
place
and transfer them to
next
generation.
For instance
, my grandpa
was played
a special Persian
music
instrument as a professional
player and
he teaches it to my father.
Now
my father is a successful
music
player and singer. This example
shows
the importance of the saving
music
and
art
legacies for the future.

Drawing upon the reasons,
discreetly
put, as far as my personal perspective on the topic
is concerned
, I reiterate that building new
music
and
art
museums and centers could
improve
the cultural and social aspects of a
society
in the
current
time and in the future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay : It’s more important for the government to spend money to build art museums and music performance centers than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool and playgrounds)? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
492 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts