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Do you agree or disagree: It’s more important for the government to spend money to build art museums and music performance centers than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool and playgrounds)? v.1

: It’s more important for the government to spend money to build art museums and music performance centers than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool and playgrounds)? v. 1
No one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that governments spent a lot of money in different areas to provide an appropriate situation for blooming people in the societies. This money should be the expense in a optimize manner which all people in the society could be gain specific profit by using the various services provided by the governments. Not all people concur when this issue arises. To being cognizant to the logic behind those who endorse or repudiate the legitimacy of this contention, not having any biased perception, I presume that devoted money for establishment new art museums and music performance center is most profitable for the societies in comparing with some entertainment facilities. Among a plentitude of reason in support of this assertion, cultural and social effect of this action could be picked out for further analysis. To commence with, a consensus has yet to be reached; however, regarding the importance of the culture in the prosperity of the society, based upon the statistics of different general questionnaires in sundry countries, people are unanimous about the conviction that music and art are the indicators of the culture in each place. To elucidate on, people with a deep background in this area are more flourish and could provide a better lifestyle standards for themselves; moreover, they could transfer their culture and lifestyle facets to other countries by using art and music. Thus, these places could help to boom the talent of young people and improve the culture of any societies. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was elaborated above. The result of a study carried out by Rice University graduate students unveiled the fact that the Italian rank in the life aspect standards and tranquility is improved from 100th to 20th by spending a lot of money for reviving the music and art in this old country. In addition to the reason raised above, the implication of conserving art and music remanents as a valuable legacy for the future’s generation could also substantiate the justifiability of the claim made at the outset of this essay. In conjunction with public belief, children would be familiar with their parents’ effort in the improvement of the societies by considering the places for art and music. It is our duty to preserve these relics in a safe place and transfer them to next generation. For instance, my grandpa was played a special Persian music instrument as a professional player and he teaches it to my father. Now my father is a successful music player and singer. This example shows the importance of the saving music and art legacies for the future. Drawing upon the reasons, discreetly put, as far as my personal perspective on the topic is concerned, I reiterate that building new music and art museums and centers could improve the cultural and social aspects of a society in the current time and in the future.
No one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas to provide an appropriate situation for blooming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be the expense in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
optimize manner which all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
could be gain specific profit by using the various services provided by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concur when this issue arises. To being cognizant to the logic behind those who endorse or repudiate the legitimacy of this contention, not having any biased perception, I presume that devoted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for establishment new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
performance center is most profitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
in comparing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertainment facilities. Among a
Possible spelling mistake found.
plentitude
of reason in support of this assertion, cultural and social effect of this action could
be picked
out for
further
analysis.

To commence with, a consensus has
yet
to
be reached
;
however
, regarding the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the prosperity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, based upon the statistics of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
general questionnaires in sundry countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unanimous about the conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are the indicators of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. To elucidate on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a deep background in this area are more flourish and could provide a better lifestyle standards for themselves;
moreover
, they could transfer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and lifestyle facets to other countries by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boom the talent of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was elaborated
above. The result of a study carried out by Rice University graduate students unveiled the fact that the Italian rank in the life aspect standards and tranquility is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
from 100th to 20th by spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for reviving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
country.

In addition
to the reason raised above, the implication of conserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Possible spelling mistake found.
remanents
as a valuable legacy for the future’s generation could
also
substantiate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
justifiability
of the claim made at the outset of this essay. In conjunction with public belief, children would be familiar with their parents’ effort in the improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
by considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It is our duty to preserve these relics in a safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and transfer them to
next
generation.
For instance
, my grandpa
was played
a special Persian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
instrument as a professional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
player and
he teaches it to my father.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
my father is a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
player and singer. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the importance of the saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
legacies for the future.

Drawing upon the reasons,
discreetly
put, as far as my personal perspective on the topic
is concerned
, I reiterate that building new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museums and centers could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the cultural and social aspects of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time and in the future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay : It’s more important for the government to spend money to build art museums and music performance centers than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool and playgrounds)? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
492 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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