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In cities there should be many open spaces such as parks and playgrounds. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In cities there should be many open spaces such as parks and playgrounds. v. 1
There is a view of must have umpteen vacant places like gardens and sports grounds in cities. I completely agree with the view as the availability of free areas would attract the young ones along with other generations to spend their quality period with their batch mates in various activities. The following paragraphs would elucidate my opinion. First and foremost, the young buds can learn to utilize their precious time in outdoor activities if the playgrounds will be there resulting in better health and healthy minds instead of spending hours in indoor games. For instance Japan trains its young generation in doing more physical work rather than passing time on video games and other technology based activities like mobile phones. Although 90% of cell phones with advanced technology is provided by Japan to the whole world, yet it keeps own generation safe by not giving them phones at childhood stage. Secondly, the individuals would feel rejuvenated by taking morning walk and this could reflect in their whole busy schedule. However, it can happen only if there will be more parks in every colony or society of the city resulting in less diseases like asthma, anxiety, depression and heart strokes. Furthermore, the researches show that the person doing regular exercise and morning walks gets their body fit than others as the fresh morning air help their body to become more active and devoid of many common diseases. To conclude, I strongly believe that gardens and such places not only enhance the beauty of the cities but also play the unavoidable role in giving directions to the growing ones towards sports and contribute in keeping the individuals healthy.
There is a view of
must have
umpteen vacant places like gardens and sports grounds in cities. I completely
agree
with the view as the availability of free areas would attract the young ones along with other generations to spend their quality period with their batch mates in various activities. The following paragraphs would elucidate my opinion.

First
and foremost, the young buds can learn to utilize their precious time in outdoor activities if the playgrounds will be there resulting in better health and healthy minds
instead
of spending hours in indoor games.
For instance
Japan trains its young generation in doing more physical work
rather
than passing time on video games and other technology based activities like mobile phones. Although 90% of cell phones with advanced technology
is provided
by Japan to the whole world,
yet
it
keeps
own
generation safe by not giving them phones at childhood stage.

Secondly
, the individuals would feel rejuvenated by taking morning walk and this could reflect in their whole busy schedule.
However
, it can happen
only
if there will be more parks in every colony or society of the city resulting in
less
diseases like asthma, anxiety, depression and heart strokes.
Furthermore
, the researches
show
that the person doing regular exercise and morning walks
gets
their body fit than others as the fresh morning air
help
their body to become more active and devoid of
many
common diseases.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that gardens and such places not
only
enhance the beauty of the cities
but
also
play the unavoidable role in giving directions to the growing ones towards sports and contribute in keeping the individuals healthy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In cities there should be many open spaces such as parks and playgrounds. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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