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Violence among school students seems to be increasing Write a paragraph to suggest what should be done to help solve this problem v.2

Violence among school students seems to be increasing Write a paragraph to suggest what should be done to help solve this problem v. 2
Nowadays, school violence is one of the most serious problems in many countries all over the world. This essay will discuss about some step that can be taken to address the issue. First and foremost, schools have to provide emotional support for their students. There should be weekly group for students to have a discussion about their emotions and social problems they are experiencing. They should learn skills for expressing their feelings positively and strategies for solving conflict. When some problematic issues come up in this discussion, students will receive follow up help from professional staff. In addition, schools should hold workshops or campaign to raise students’ understanding about violence as well as their sensitivity to each other. Students can reap a lot of benefits from these programs of being conscious of their behavior. Apart from that, their parents also play a vital role in the process of ending school violence. Parents should gain a deep understanding of their children and positive communication skills. They need to have discussion with their children to cope with children’s anger, depression and social problems and narrow the gap between themselves and their children. Affirmative connections can make students feel good about themselves and not likely to harm others. To sum up, it is crucial for students to have constructive support from their parents along with their schools. These solution may help to decrease school violence.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is one of the most serious problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries all over the world. This essay will discuss about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
step that can
be taken
to address the issue.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide emotional support for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. There should be weekly group for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have a discussion about their emotions and social problems they are experiencing. They should learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for expressing their feelings
positively
and strategies for solving conflict. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problematic issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up in this discussion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will receive
'follow up' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "follow-up".
follow up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from professional staff.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should hold workshops or campaign to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
understanding about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
as well
as their sensitivity to each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can reap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits from these programs of being conscious of their behavior.

Apart from that, their parents
also
play a vital role in the process of ending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. Parents should gain a deep understanding of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They need to have discussion with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to cope with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
anger, depression and social problems and narrow the gap between themselves and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Affirmative connections can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
about themselves and not likely to harm others.

To sum up, it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have constructive support from their parents along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Did you mean "this solution" or "These solutions"?
These solution
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Violence among school students seems to be increasing Write a paragraph to suggest what should be done to help solve this problem v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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