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The news media have too much influence on people’s lives today and this is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The news media have too much influence on people’s lives today and this is a negative development. v. 2
It is true that news media nowadays plays a vital role on daily life that couldn’t replace by anything else at this moment but for some reasons, many people think it caused some bad influences for the development in general. I could partly agree with this point of view because we couldn’t wipe out all of its positive effects in our life. On the one hand, I will stand with negative perspectives about news media because during the period of time that sees a dramatically increasing of media all over the world, it’s quite easy to write something and spread it out on the internet and we all have to deal with one of the huge problems which is fake news that will cost us not only the massive damage about finance but also about mental trauma. One simple example, imagine when we see some untruthful stories about other people except one thing that we don’t know those news are false when we’re surfing the internet then we may have some inappropriate behaviors or feelings with that person such as prejudice or sense of hating or even something worse. Those things will lead us to a serious viciousness, feeling uncontrolled and drowning slowly among disinformation. On the other hand, I will talk about the positive features of news media. As you can see, we’ve been in the Industrial Revolution 4. 0, followed by an explosion of media specifically via the internet. This could help us stay up-to-date with anything happens around the world, stay discuss and give out our own opinions. With the big support of news media, we can approach any fields in the blink of an eye and become a more knowledgeable individual. I can quickly access any one of the most popular information sources in the globe such as CNN, BBC, National Geographic, … and searching for some news I care about or finding somewhere desire for some little help, for example, I usually donate one online newspaper then they will allocate the money for different charitable purposes. In conclusion, even though some negative influences of news media are still existing but we couldn’t deny all of its positive factors that have changed our lives in many ways, so, I couldn’t say that news media is just all about bad development of human beings.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
nowadays plays a vital role on daily life that couldn’t replace by anything else at this moment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences for the development
in general
. I could partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we couldn’t wipe out all of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects in our life.

On the one hand, I will stand with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition for "perspectives" is "on" not "about." Revise: "perspectives on".
perspectives about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during the period of time that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a
dramatically
increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
all over the world, it’s quite easy to write something and spread it out on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet and
we all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with one of the huge problems which is fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that will cost us not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the massive damage about finance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
about mental trauma. One simple example, imagine when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
untruthful stories about other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
except one thing that we don’t know those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are false when we’re surfing the internet then we may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inappropriate behaviors or feelings with that person such as prejudice or sense of hating or even something worse. Those things will lead us to a serious viciousness, feeling uncontrolled and drowning
slowly
among disinformation.

On the other hand
, I will talk about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
features of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, we’ve been in the Industrial Revolution 4. 0, followed by an explosion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
specifically
via the internet. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us stay up-to-date with anything happens around the world, stay discuss and give out our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions. With the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, we can approach any fields in the blink of an eye and become a more knowledgeable individual. I can
quickly
access any one of the most popular information sources in the globe such as CNN, BBC, National Geographic, … and searching for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
I care about or finding somewhere desire for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
,
for example
, I
usually
donate one online newspaper then they will allocate the money for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
charitable purposes.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are
still
existing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we couldn’t deny all of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
factors that have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I couldn’t say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
all about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
development of human beings.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The news media have too much influence on people’s lives today and this is a negative development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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