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Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.3

Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 3
In the world today, extra – curricular activities play a crucial role in students’ development. Much as students can reap a lot of benefits from these activities, they also have to deal with some unavoidable hardships which are the causes of many problems First and foremost, extra curricular activities help promote skills that students will carry with them for a lifetime. Being involved in extra – curricular activities allow students to learn the magnitude of being dependable, responsible, trustworthy and teamwork which are the most essential soft skills for future jobs. Besides, extra curricular activities have to be well performed together with their study, which requires them to learn quickly about prioritizing and time management. Another outstanding point is that these activities intensify the opportunities for students to de admitted in particular college. Nowadays, in many top universities, the performances of students in these programs are one of the most requisite criteria for admission. Therefore, it is vital for students to engage in extra curricular as soon as possible Despite the above mentioned benefits, there exist some shortcomings. Initially, taking part in these activities will put more pressure on students. Many of them are incapable of multiple activities in one day, which can make them focus on only one and fail on the others or less motivated to study. This will lead to bad academic results at school. Furthermore, when students always take part in extra curricular activities, go through a tough and tight schedule which leaves no free time, it will lead to tiredness and frustration and exhaustion. Not only does it make them unable of completing their assignments, less concentrate on academic study but also have negative effect on students’ health. To sum up, it is undeniable that extra curricular activities bring students a wide variety of advantages. However, students need to be good at time management to find the right balance between their daily life and these programs.
In the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play a crucial role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
development. Much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can reap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unavoidable hardships which are the causes of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problems


First
and foremost,
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will carry with them for a lifetime.
Being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn the magnitude of being dependable, responsible, trustworthy and teamwork which are the most essential soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for future jobs.
Besides
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be well performed together with their study, which requires them to learn
quickly
about prioritizing and time management. Another outstanding point is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
intensify the opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
de
admitted
in particular
college. Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
top universities, the performances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in these programs are one of the most requisite criteria for admission.
Therefore
, it is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to engage in
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible

Despite the above mentioned benefits, there exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
shortcomings.
Initially
, taking part in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will put more pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them are incapable of multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in one day, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them focus on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one and fail on the others or less motivated to study. This will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
academic results at school.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, go through a tough and tight schedule which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
no free time, it will lead to tiredness and frustration and exhaustion. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them unable of completing their assignments, less concentrate on academic study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
health.

To sum up, it is undeniable that
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a wide variety of advantages.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at time management to find the right balance between their daily life and these programs.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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