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Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.3

Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 3
In today's world, due to technology, video games are becoming an essential thing in a child's life. Many parents believe that video games can create a negative impact on their children's lives, while other parents think that it might create some good sides. I believed that video games have a more negative impact rather than positive ones. In the following paragraphs, I will extend my opinion with reasons. First of all, with video games, children might not concentrate on their studies because they are habited with video games. Thus, kids start to play games and disturb their sleep. Furthermore, kids more interested in video games rather than participating in other physical activities, which directly affect their physical health. For example, children may get poor eyesight, backache and migraines. This is why video games are not beneficial for kids. On the other hand, in today's modernized era not every parents have time to play with their child and that is why kids start to play video games. Moreover, some games have lots of information about things such as study, vocabulary, maths sums, and many more. Children can get some fun with learning which makes learning easy. It has also proved that an all-time study is boring and that is why children can get relaxation with video games. To conclude, video games have negative and positive sides but I feel that it has more bad sides rather than good, children can get more disadvantages to video games. If children limit their screen times, it will not dangerous for them.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, due to technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are becoming an essential thing in a child's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, while other parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it might create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sides. I believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones. In the following paragraphs, I will extend my opinion with reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might not concentrate on their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
habited
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Thus
, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and disturb their sleep.
Furthermore
, kids more interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than participating in other physical activities, which
directly
affect their physical health.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
poor eyesight, backache and migraines. This is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not beneficial for kids.

On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modernized era not every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
have time to play with their child and
that is
why kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have lots of information about things such as study, vocabulary,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
sums, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun with learning which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
learning easy. It has
also
proved that an all-time study is boring and
that is
why
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children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I feel that it has more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sides
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
limit their screen times, it will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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