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People have easy access to video games nowadays and many people consider playing video games as a form of entertainment or even educational. Others however completely deny this and say that video games only have negative effects on people. v.1

People have easy access to video games nowadays and many people consider playing video games as a form of entertainment or even educational. Others however completely deny this and say that video games only have negative effects on people. v. 1
Video games have become an indispensable part of modern life, especially for children and teenagers. Some people uphold its advantages and merits, while others have reservations about it. In my opinion, though these games pose some advantages it does more harm to the people. On the one hand, there are some benefits of video games. Firstly it acts as an entertainment tool. That is, it gives an opportunity to relax after hectic duty or study hours, refreshes our mind as well. As a result, it gives an impression to the public that it gives peace, relaxation and tension free. Another interesting factor is that it improves our skill. To make it clearer, to play video games we need to coordinate our vision, cognitive ability and the movements of hands. Here comes associated activity of our brain and body. As a result, it improves our skills and helps this in our daily pursuits. On the other hand, it is fairly easy to understand the drawbacks of video games. Firstly, it reduces socialisation. It is a game only with one person and the device, so there is no mingling, interaction, communication etc with others. Hence, it transforms a person into an introvert and isolates this person from the society. This results in pernicious influence in the personality development of children. Moreover, it can be addictive. Since there is a treasure trove, limitless fun and easy accessibility from the internet without any payment, the use expands by people irrespective of age. This intern affects their academic pursuits as well as the performance of work. In addition, playing video games for a long time cause physical complications. That is improper body language and uncomfortable environment while playing video games harm the physical conditions. This can end up in a backache, vision problem, joint pain and so on. To sum up, it is proved beyond doubt that video games do more harm to people than benefits. We should use our prudence and discernment while playing video games and use as a relaxation technique, not be addictive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become an indispensable part of modern life,
especially
for children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
uphold its advantages and merits, while others have reservations about it. In my opinion, though these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages it does more harm to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
it acts as an entertainment tool.
That is
, it gives an opportunity to relax after hectic duty or study hours, refreshes our mind
as well
.
As a result
, it gives an impression to the public that it gives peace, relaxation and tension free. Another interesting factor is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it clearer, to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
we need to coordinate our vision, cognitive ability and the movements of hands. Here
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
associated activity of our brain and body.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
this in our daily pursuits.

On the other hand
, it is
fairly
easy to understand the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
. It is a game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with one person and the device,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is no mingling, interaction, communication etc with others.
Hence
, it transforms a person into an introvert and isolates this person from the society. This results in pernicious influence in the personality development of children.
Moreover
, it can be addictive. Since there is a treasure trove, limitless fun and easy accessibility from the internet without any payment, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
expands by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
irrespective of age. This intern affects their academic pursuits
as well
as the performance of work.
In addition
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a long time cause physical complications.
That is
improper body language and uncomfortable environment while playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
harm the physical conditions. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in a backache, vision problem, joint pain and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

To sum up, it
is proved
beyond doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do more harm to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than benefits. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our prudence and discernment while playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as a relaxation technique, not be addictive.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People have easy access to video games nowadays and many people consider playing video games as a form of entertainment or even educational. Others however completely deny this and say that video games only have negative effects on people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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