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Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.2

Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
Video games have become very popular amongst the younger generation in recent times. Some parents are worried regarding the harmful effects these games would have over children, while others would go to lengths explaining the benefits of modern games. In my opinion computer games has an adverse effect on overall physical as well as mental health of youngsters and this essay would discuss those health issues in detail. Most games today are played online, and often involve several players from across the country or the world. This will helps the child build skills required to work together as a team and solve problems together. However, many video games in the market contain excessive violence, over-the-top sexuality, profanity, racism, and many other things that cannot be perceived by kids in the right manner. They may fail to take these depictions with a pinch of salt and may end up trying to emulate the same behaviour as portrayed in the games. As a result, the video games may do more harm than good. Furthermore, spending a lot of time playing video games instead of indulging in physical activities can be detrimental to a child’s health in several ways. A child’s cognitive development may get affected if he doesn’t get out and socialise in the real world. Constantly sitting in one place and playing video games at length can increase the chances of obesity, weaken the muscles and joints, make hands and fingers numb due to over-exertion, and multiple studies suggest that it can even weaken the eyesight. To summarise, this essay has discussed how the violent content in games may have adverse effects on the child's behaviour and lack of physical exercise due to prolonged hours of gaming is one of the causes of obesity in children. All in all, the essay concludes that these virtual games indeed have adverse negative impacts on the younger section of society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular amongst the younger generation in recent times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents
are worried
regarding the harmful effects these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would have over children, while others would go to lengths explaining the benefits of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In my opinion computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has an adverse effect on
overall
physical
as well
as mental health of youngsters and this essay would discuss those health issues in detail.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are played
online, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
involve several players from across the country or the world. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the child build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required to work together as a team and solve problems together.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the market contain excessive violence, over-the-top sexuality, profanity, racism, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things that cannot
be perceived
by kids in the right manner. They may fail to take these depictions with a pinch of salt and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up trying to emulate the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as portrayed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Furthermore
, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of indulging in physical activities can be detrimental to a child’s health in several ways. A child’s cognitive development may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
if he doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
in the real world.
Constantly
sitting in one place and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at length can increase the chances of obesity, weaken the muscles and joints,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
hands and fingers numb due to over-exertion, and multiple studies suggest that it can even weaken the eyesight.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, this essay has discussed how the violent content in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may have adverse effects on the child's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and lack of physical exercise due to prolonged hours of gaming is one of the causes of obesity in children. All in all, the essay concludes that these virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
indeed
have adverse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the younger section of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
society
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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