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Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
Video games have become very popular amongst the younger generation in recent times. Some parents are worried regarding the harmful effects these games would have over children, while others would go to lengths explaining the benefits of modern games. In my opinion computer games has an adverse effect on overall physical as well as mental health of youngsters and this essay would discuss those health issues in detail. Modern games require a lot of strategy and planning to progress further in the game. Some would argue that, this helps induce critical thinking in young minds and thus have a positive impact. However, many games contain extreme violence and bloodshed, which might have negative impacts on a child's personality. Hence, due to the obscene content, video games do more harm than good. Also there are issues related to health and fitness of these gamers. As per a recent study by the WHO, children spend on an average 3 to 4 hours daily playing games. Such extended periods sitting across the screen not only puts stress on the eyes, but also the lack of physical activity are one of the reasons why the younger population is mostly obese. To summarise, this essay has discussed how the violent content in games may have adverse effects on the child's behaviour and lack of physical exercise due to prolonged hours of gaming is one of the causes of obesity in children. All in all, the essay concludes that these virtual games indeed have adverse negative impacts on the younger section of society
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular amongst the younger generation in recent times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents
are worried
regarding the harmful effects these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would have over children, while others would go to lengths explaining the benefits of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In my opinion computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has an adverse effect on
overall
physical
as well
as mental health of youngsters and this essay would discuss those health issues in detail.

Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strategy and planning to progress
further
in the game.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
induce critical thinking in young minds and
thus
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
contain extreme violence and bloodshed, which might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on a child's personality.
Hence
, due to the obscene content, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there are issues related to health and fitness of these gamers. As per a recent study by the WHO, children spend on an average 3 to 4 hours daily playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Such extended periods sitting across the screen not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
puts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the eyes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the lack of physical activity are one of the reasons why the younger population is
mostly
obese.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, this essay has discussed how the violent content in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may have adverse effects on the child's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and lack of physical exercise due to prolonged hours of gaming is one of the causes of obesity in children. All in all, the essay concludes that these virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
indeed
have adverse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the younger section of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
society
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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