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Some people say that art like painting, music, poetry can be made by everyone, whereas others believe that it can only be made by those with special abilities. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that art like painting, music, poetry can be made by everyone, whereas others believe that it can only be made by those with special abilities. v. 1
In many countries around the world, art still plays a crucial role in peoples’ lives. However, in some part of the society it is contended that arts such as painting, music and poetry should be performed by only those with special qualities. In my view, this should be done by everyone who wish to do so and in this essay I will discuss both sides of the arguments and support my side of argument. Firstly, those who argue on the side that arts should be done by only those with special abilities, might believe that it deplicts perfection in their work. This is because they are innate with such skills and lacks inadequacy in their work. For example, a child who have astonishing skills of drawings and paintings from early days, in future he will perform these skills accurately. Furthermore, these people may contribute to the society by displaying their skills in museums or art galleries. Nevertheless, In my view, arts should be practice by everyone as every individual has the right to equal exposure on all the subjects. In fact, it is solely depends on an individual what he/she wants to do in their life. Although, they might not possess the skills at an early age like those who are born with it. But with efficient amount of learning and practice, they also can become one of those who deemed to have special skills. To illustrate this, a person who dedicately practice learning skills such as painting or music, is likely to become successful in the same path. On the other hand, if such rights would have taken away from them because they do not have special abilities then it could be injustice to many part of the society. In conclusion, although people who are innate with the skills of art should exercise them as they have the ability to outperform every time. However, in my view, everyone should have right to chose and perform arts equally.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
still
plays a crucial role in peoples’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the society it
is contended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as painting, music and poetry should
be performed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
qualities. In my view, this should
be done
by everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wish to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and in this essay I will discuss both sides of the arguments and support my side of argument.

Firstly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
argue on the side that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
abilities, might believe that it
Possible spelling mistake found.
deplicts
perfection in their work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are innate with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and lacks inadequacy in their work.
For example
, a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have astonishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of drawings and paintings from early days, in future he will perform these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
accurately
.
Furthermore
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may contribute to the society by displaying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in museums or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries.

Nevertheless
, In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should be practice by everyone as every individual has the right to equal exposure on all the subjects. In fact, it is
solely
depends on an individual what he/she wants to do in their life.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, they might not possess the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at an early age like those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are born
with it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with efficient amount of learning and practice, they
also
can become one of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
deemed to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. To illustrate this, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
dedicately
practice learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as painting or music, is likely to become successful in the same path.
On the other hand
, if such rights
Did you mean "had taken"?
would have taken
away from them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
abilities then it could be injustice to
Possible agreement error. The noun part seems to be countable; consider using: "many parts".
many part
of the society.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are innate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should exercise them as they have the ability to outperform every time.
However
, in my view, everyone should have right to chose and perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
equally
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that art like painting, music, poetry can be made by everyone, whereas others believe that it can only be made by those with special abilities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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