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Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as a part of school curriculum. v.3

Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as a part of school curriculum. v. 3
Whether money management should be a part of the academic curriculum is a great debate. Most of the schools are already overwhelmed with the subjects they have to teach and adding personal financial affairs to the syllabus would make things worse. Moreover, this is a skill that teachers cannot instil in a child through lectures and exams and this is why I personally believe that parents should take this responsibility. To begin with, no matter how many chapters someone reads or how many exams he takes on the value of money in life, until he takes the responsibility and earns it, is impossible to learn the practical aspect of personal finances. Teachers are not in a position to decide whether a student should work besides study and manage his finance. Parents, on the other hand, are ideal to handle this. They can teach their children the value of money and put them in situations when they need to take responsibilities. Moreover, learning to manage someone's finance is a different type of skill that class lectures cannot teach. Finally, a teacher does not know every aspect of a student's family and their financial condition. This is why the same lecture is not suitable for all students. Parents are in a far better position to let their children learn this essential life skill. To conclude, money management is a practical aspect of life and theoretical classes are ineffective to develop this great skill. Parents, on the contrary, should take command of this aspect and prepare their children how to value money and handle personal finance efficiently.
“Whether” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management should be a part of the academic curriculum is a great debate. Most of the schools are already overwhelmed with the subjects they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach and adding personal financial affairs to the syllabus would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things worse.
Moreover
, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that teachers cannot
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
in a child through lectures and exams and this is why I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take this responsibility.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chapters someone reads or how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
exams he takes on the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in life, until he takes the responsibility and earns it, is impossible to learn the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finances
. Teachers are not in a position to decide whether a student should work
besides
study and manage his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
,
on the other hand
, are ideal to handle this. They can teach their children the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and put them in situations when they need to take responsibilities.
Moreover
, learning to manage someone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
lectures cannot teach.
Finally
, a teacher does not know every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of a student's family and their financial condition. This is why the same lecture is not suitable for all students.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are in a far better position to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their children learn this essential life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management is a practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of life and theoretical classes are ineffective to develop this great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
,
on the contrary
, should take command of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
and prepare their children how to value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and handle personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
efficiently
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as a part of school curriculum. v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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