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Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. v. 1
Some people suggest that school curriculums should include critical life skills such as handling of money as only a limited number of school children learn the value of money. I agree with the above idea as some parents are reluctant or do not have enough time to teach necessary life skills to their children at home. The value of money can be taught at home, but some parents do not allow children to handle money until they become older. In other words, children have limited opportunities to learn about finances and consequently, they are more likely to have a trouble in making ends meet and prone to have debts once they start living independently. But why parents do not want to share monetary information with their kids? One possible reason would be a financial issue. If there is a monetary problem within a family, parents do not want to let children know about it. Furthermore, many parents are busy at work, and less time is spent with their children to teach necessary skills. For these reasons, schools are good places to teach children about the value of money. Incorporating this critical life skill into a school curriculum benefits children so that they become prepared for the future. If these important skills are taught at schools, children have an equal opportunity no matter what their family backgrounds are. If the value of money is learnt at a young age, less people will have debts in the future and money is spent wisely. In conclusion, although parents owe the responsibility to teach their children how to manage finances to some extent, they are busy at work and sometimes hard for them to teach this kind of skill if they were having a financial issue; therefore, schools should incorporate this subject into a curriculum so that all children have an equal opportunity to learn the value of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculums should include critical life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as handling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are reluctant or do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
necessary life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be taught
at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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parents
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
until they become older.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have limited opportunities to learn about finances and
consequently
, they are more likely to have a trouble in making ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and prone to have debts once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
living
independently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
why
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parents
do not want to share monetary information with their kids? One possible reason would be a financial issue. If there is a monetary problem within a family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know about it.

Furthermore
,
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many
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parents
are busy at work, and less time
is spent
with their
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children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. For these reasons,
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schools
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
places to
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teach
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children
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of money.

Incorporating this critical life
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skill
into a
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school
curriculum benefits
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children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they become prepared for the future. If these
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important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are taught
at
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schools
,
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children
have an equal opportunity no matter what their family backgrounds are. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt at
a young age,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have debts in the future and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is spent
wisely
.

In conclusion
, although
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parents
owe the responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to manage finances to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, they are busy at work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
if they were having a financial issue;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should incorporate this subject into a curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have an equal opportunity to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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