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Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as a part of school curriculum. v.2

Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as a part of school curriculum. v. 2
An academic institute usually deals with science, arts and commerce related subjects while ignores teaching money management and this is why it is often noticed that students who do well in school struggle while taking care of their finances in real life. Having said that, academic and financial intelligence cannot be seen as inherent contradictions, but they truly are two mutually independent competencies. I personally believe that value of money and money management should be taught in schools. The author of the book “Rich Dad Poor Dad” terms Financial Independence as ‘you being able to make your money work for you and not the other way around’. Students who get to learn about how to spend, invest and save money rarely find themselves in financial predicaments despite what their salaries bring in. Such skills are often inculcated through parents or by observing people who practice them. On the other hand, students who lack these skills usually find themselves with insufficient funds no matter how much their jobs pay them. They never learn to develop their assets. It renders them dependents on their jobs for life as it is their only source of income. The earnings are mostly spent on their liabilities leaving them with paltry savings. If money management is taught as a part of school curriculum, all the students will get a chance to learn such skills. They will grow up to have more knowledge of money and finance. Consecutively, they will have a better perspective while making financial decisions. This will lead to a more stable, enriched and self-reliant society. To conclude, I would say that earning money may not be the goal in life but it is the money that provides us with our basic needs and the sense of security. All these points advocate that learning the skills to value and handle money is definitely a crucial part of life. Thus, I believe that lessons for financial management should be made a part of school curriculum so that more and more students can have a chance at a financially stable future.
An academic institute
usually
deals with science, arts and commerce related subjects while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignores
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
and this is why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
noticed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do well in school struggle while taking care of their finances in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Having said that, academic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
intelligence cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as inherent contradictions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
truly
are two
mutually
independent competencies. I
personally
believe that value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
should
be taught
in schools.

The author of the book “Rich Dad Poor Dad” terms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Financial
Independence as ‘you being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
work for you and not the other way around’.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn about how to spend, invest and save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
rarely find themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
predicaments despite what their salaries bring in. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
inculcated through parents or by observing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
practice them.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lack these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
usually
find themselves with insufficient funds no matter how much their jobs pay them. They never learn to develop their assets. It renders them dependents on their jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as it is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of income. The earnings are
mostly
spent on their liabilities leaving them with paltry savings.

If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
is taught
as a part of school curriculum, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to learn such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. They will grow up to have more knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and finance.
Consecutively
, they will have a better perspective while making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
decisions. This will lead to a more stable, enriched and self-reliant society.

To conclude
, I would say that earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may not be the goal in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that provides us with our basic needs and the sense of security. All these points advocate that learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to value and handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is definitely a crucial part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
, I believe that lessons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
should
be made
a part of school curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have a chance at a
financially
stable future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as a part of school curriculum. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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