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People are now living longer than ever before and many old people are unable to look after themselves. Some people believe that it is the responsibility of families to look after the elderly, while others say governments should provide retirement homes for them where they can be looked after properly. Discuss. v.2

People are now living longer than ever before and many old people are unable to look after themselves. Some people believe that it is the responsibility of families to look after the elderly, while others say governments should provide retirement homes for them where they can be looked after properly. Discuss. v. 2
Nowadays people are living more than 80 or even 100 years and most of them are unable to look after themselves. The controversy over who is responsible for providing service for elderly people is hot debated. Some individuals suggest that families are required to care the old people, others argue that the government should organise retirement homes for older people. In many countries, people firmly believe that families should take care the old ones who are unable to do it themselves. For example, in Russia and China, it is common believe that it is a responsibility of families and if a family decide to send their parents to the retirement home it is considered disrespectful. Therefore, most of the families do it themselves. There is a general believe that families can care better and provide reasonable services to their old generation rather than it could be done in the retirement homes where the service is poor and not sufficient enough. Not only this, it is considered that the most significant source of happiness can give grandchildren and children to the elderly whereas it cannot be provided by any of the retirement places. On the other hand, the different opinion exists that the government should ensure a place in the retirement homes for elderly. For example, in Australia and Canada people argue that the government should give a place to the eldest when they are unable to provide care for themselves because the families should work, raise their children and live their lives most of all looking after themselves and the next generation. In those countries, the way of thinking and believes vary to Russia and China and people can rely on such institutions like retirement homes to look after their parents where the service is good and pleasant. To sum up, there are two opinions about who should look after the old individuals and for different countries, there is a different way to go. In my opinion, no matter who takes care the old parents, it should be done properly and from the bottom of the hard. In the perfect situation, a balance is required between families and the retirement homes to look after the eldest.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living more than 80 or even 100 years and most of them are unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after themselves. The controversy over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is responsible for providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
hot debated.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, others argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
for older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
firmly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are unable to do it themselves.
For example
, in Russia and China, it is common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is a responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their parents to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home it
is considered
disrespectful.
Therefore
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
do it themselves. There is a general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
better and provide reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation
rather
than it could
be done
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is poor and not sufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, it
is considered
that the most significant source of happiness can give grandchildren and children to the elderly whereas it cannot
be provided
by any of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
places.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion exists that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ensure a place in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
for elderly.
For example
, in Australia and Canada
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give a place to the eldest when they are unable to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should work, raise their children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
most of all looking after themselves and the
next
generation. In those countries, the way of thinking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
vary to Russia and China and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can rely on such institutions like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after their parents where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and pleasant.

To sum up, there are two opinions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
individuals and for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way to go. In my opinion, no matter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
parents, it should
be done
properly
and from the bottom of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. In the perfect situation, a balance
is required
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after the eldest.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay People are now living longer than ever before and many old people are unable to look after themselves. Some people believe that it is the responsibility of families to look after the elderly, while others say governments should provide retirement homes for them where they can be looked after properly. Discuss. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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