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Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this trend outweigh disadvantages? v.9

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this trend outweigh disadvantages? v. 9
These days a large number of couples decide to have babies after spending at least few years since their marriage. According to some experts, there are various reasons which urge parents to have children later in their life. Career, changes in social belief, women empowerment, escalating living expenses, increased life expectancy are some of the major causes of this trend. In my belief advantages of having children later in life outweigh its demerits. First, a growing number of parents are very passionate and enthusiastic in terms of career development and their profession is the primary reason they do not expect to have children in the early stage of their marriage. It is intuitively obvious that in this age of huge competition, unemployment and economic crisis, people around the world are constantly worried about their career and job promotions. As a result, parents decide and determine to postpone their first childbirth. Second, women empowerment has changed the old way of life where a woman's sole responsibility was to look after the children. Since many wives are working these days, they decide to take babies after they reach a stable job position. Furthermore, social belief regarding giving birth of children has changed dramatically and people are more concerned about the living expenses than the number of babies they have, unlike older generations. Additionally, parents who study full-time in universities can not concentrate on their studies competently if they become parents. Enhanced life expectancy and changes in the social belief are two other reasons for this trend. Undeniably people who either work or run a business can reach to a stable position before becoming parents. Thus they can take better care of their babies which would have been impossible if the baby was born earlier. It is often a fact that having offspring early in life can escalate expenditures and financial responsibilities of parents. In particular, if the parents cannot allocate time for them, they grow up with psychological issues. Such young parents often lack the knowledge and time they need to properly take care the baby. Ultimately, parents might put their career at a risk as well as the future of their children if they become parents before they are mentally and economically stable. Reversely, having offspring in early life have few advantages. Such parents have new members in their family and their isolation would be extirpated and they will become more family-oriented. In conclusion, despite the pleasure of having a new baby in early years of marriage, parents who decide to have babies later can primarily, readily and precisely focus on their career, can easily fulfill financial requirements and have sufficient time to persist, strive and struggle in order to have a stunning, and illuminated future in life.
These days
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
after spending at least few years since their marriage. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts, there are various reasons which urge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
later in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Career
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belief
, women empowerment, escalating living expenses, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
major causes of this trend. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belief
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
later in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
outweigh its demerits.

First
, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
passionate and enthusiastic in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
development and their profession is the primary reason they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
stage of their marriage. It is
intuitively
obvious that in this age of huge competition, unemployment and economic crisis,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world are
constantly
worried about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and job promotions.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
and determine to postpone their
first
childbirth. Second, women empowerment has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
where a woman's sole responsibility was to look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wives are working these days, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
after they reach a stable job position.

Furthermore
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belief
regarding giving birth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more concerned about the living expenses than the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
they have, unlike older generations.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who study full-time in universities can not concentrate on their studies
competently
if they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Enhanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belief
are two other reasons for this trend.

Undeniably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who either work or run a business can reach to a stable position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they can take better care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
which would have been impossible if the baby
was born
earlier. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
offspring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can escalate expenditures and financial responsibilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In particular
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot allocate time for them, they grow up with psychological issues. Such young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack the knowledge and time they need to
properly
take care the baby.
Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
as well
as the future of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they are mentally and
economically
stable.

Reversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
offspring in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
have few advantages. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have new members in their family and their isolation would be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
extirpated and
they will become more family-oriented.

In conclusion
, despite the pleasure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a new baby in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
years of marriage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
later can
primarily
,
readily
and
precisely
focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, can
easily
fulfill financial requirements and have sufficient time to persist, strive and struggle in order to have a stunning, and illuminated future in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this trend outweigh disadvantages? v. 9

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
457 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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