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Using the information in the lecture, explain the 3 atmospheric phenomena that the lecturer discusses. v.1

Using the information in the lecture, explain the 3 atmospheric phenomena that the lecturer discusses. v. 1
In this present world, interaction among some individuals has taken another turn due to recent advancements in technology. This essay will first discuss how technology has resulted in a rise in virtual friendships, and then discuss how this is considered a negative trend. Recent technological development in communication technology has affected the kinds of relationship built by people in diverse ways, and perhaps the most important is the virtual relationship that some people have these days. In other words, many people have online friends who they have never met in person, and this is becoming common, especially with the development of varied social networking applications. To illustrate this, a 2014 poll carried out by Oxford University revealed that 40% of youths in the UK prefer to have virtual friends on social networking applications, such as Facebook and Whatsapp rather than in real life. Hence, communication technology has altered the way people relate. This trend is considered a negative one because having friends online means that people will have less face-to-face interaction. This trend is particularly common among shy people who are seen to lack basic interpersonal skills but prefer to spend more time with their faces glued to their phones chatting with their virtual friends online. For instance, the Vanguard newspaper reported in 2010 that 70% of young people in Nigeria who have a large friendship circle on Facebook, actually lack necessary communication skills. As this instance shows, it is clear that the role of technology in a relationship is a negative development. In conclusion, advances in communication technology have caused a trend towards virtual friendships, which is considered a negative development. It is hoped that people learn to manage the effect of scientific advancements on their relationships.
In this present world, interaction among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals has taken another turn due to recent advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. This essay will
first
discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has resulted in a rise in virtual friendships, and then discuss how this
is considered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
trend.

Recent technological development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
built by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in diverse ways, and perhaps the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is the virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have these days.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
who they have never met in person, and this is becoming common,
especially
with the development of varied social networking applications. To illustrate this, a 2014 poll carried out by Oxford University revealed that 40% of youths in the UK prefer to have virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on social networking applications, such as Facebook and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
rather
than in real life.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has altered the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relate.

This trend
is considered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
online means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have less face-to-face interaction. This trend is
particularly
common among shy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to lack basic interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
prefer to spend more time with their faces glued to their phones chatting with their virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
online.
For instance
, the Vanguard newspaper reported in 2010 that 70% of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Nigeria who have a large friendship circle on Facebook, actually lack necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As this instance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.

In conclusion
, advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have caused a trend towards virtual friendships, which
is considered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development. It
is hoped
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn to manage the effect of scientific advancements on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using the information in the lecture, explain the 3 atmospheric phenomena that the lecturer discusses. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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