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The government should spend money to protect the wild animals which are endangered but others think the extinction of wild animals is a natural phenomena and thus ministry should not waste money. v.2

The government should spend money to protect the wild animals which are endangered but others think the extinction of wild animals is a natural phenomena and thus ministry should not waste money. v. 2
This day, it is believed that in some the government should spend money to protect the wild animals which are endangered but others think the extinction of wild animals is natural phenomena and thus ministry should not waste money. In the one hand, I agree if the government had badger to conserve the wild animals. It is because, not only human has right to live but also the animals have it. For the example the ministry must have estimate money to health care, security wood and up grade electronic to detection animals mobility in forest, while the employees have a dig up information about condition and total the animals in ecosystem. As result to preserve the animals for constants in the world. On the one hand, not only in Indonesia but also in other countries, this is a serious problem when the administrator do not have calculation to the wild animals will be worse the condition. For the example, in this era many poaching for keeping rare animals, because they get expansive price and the people who want to buy to be pets. As results the wild animals will be extinct when on one handled wisely. In conclusion, the government should cooperate with employees and the society for richly life the animals and they have to be wise, when some people take default role.
This day, it
is believed
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend money to protect the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which
are endangered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the extinction of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is natural phenomena and
thus
ministry should not waste money.

In the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had badger to conserve the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
human has right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have it. For the example the ministry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have estimate money to health care, security wood and up grade electronic to detection
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
mobility in forest, while the employees have a dig up information about condition and total the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in ecosystem. As result to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for constants in the world.

On the one hand, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Indonesia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in other countries, this is a serious problem when the administrator do not have calculation to the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will be worse the condition. For the example, in this era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poaching for keeping rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
expansive price and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
to be pets. As results the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will be extinct when on one handled
wisely
.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should cooperate with employees and the society for
richly
life the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
animals and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be wise, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take default role.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should spend money to protect the wild animals which are endangered but others think the extinction of wild animals is a natural phenomena and thus ministry should not waste money. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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