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The students discusses two possible solutions to the woman's problem. Describe the problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and explain why. v.1

The students discusses two possible solutions to the woman's problem. Describe the problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and explain why. v. 1
Currently, there is a debate about whether the most significant environmental problems the planet is experiencing will be fixed by technology. I somewhat agree that technology will play an important part in environmental issues. There is no doubt that technology has a crucial role in many sectors and have several benefits to the following industries; health care system, economy, water resources, etc. in particular, on the environment, which has been proven in many cases in the past. In other words, technology has reduced the number of destruction of property and loss of life when we are facing natural disasters. For instance, in 2007, the Thai government has received an emergency notification to evaluate people to safer areas due to Tsunami was approaching and about to hit the south of Thailand. As a result, technology has saved several lives in Thailand, and If we do not have the technology the circumstance would have been worsen. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case that we cannot rely only on technology machinery only and expect it to solve every environmental problem. People should also need to take responsibility and stop doing something that create bad impacts of the world such as throwing plastics in the oceans, disobey regulation and release emit CO2 emissions as well as deforestation. In conclusion, I would concede that technology is an important tool, which helps to reduce a number of impacts which caused by natural disasters. However, most environmental issues are created by humans. Therefore, humans also need to take action and responsibility for their behaviour in order to fix a crucial environmental problems.
Currently
, there is a debate about whether the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problems the planet is experiencing will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. I somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a crucial role in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors and have several benefits to the following industries; health care system, economy, water resources, etc.
in particular
, on the environment, which has
been proven
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases in the past.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the number of destruction of property and loss of life when we are facing natural disasters.
For instance
, in 2007, the Thai
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has received an emergency notification to evaluate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to safer areas due to Tsunami was approaching and about to hit the south of Thailand.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has saved several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in Thailand, and If we do not have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
the circumstance would have been
Consider using a past participle here: "worsened".
worsen
.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case that we cannot rely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
machinery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
it to solve every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problem.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
also
need to take responsibility and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
doing something that create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts of the world such as throwing plastics in the oceans, disobey regulation and release emit CO2 emissions
as well
as deforestation.

In conclusion
, I would concede that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
a number of impacts which caused by natural disasters.
However
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues
are created
by humans.
Therefore
, humans
also
need to take action and responsibility for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "problem"?
problems
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The students discusses two possible solutions to the woman's problem. Describe the problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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