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The government should spend money to protect the wild animals which are endangered but others think the extinction of wild animals is a natural phenomena and thus ministry should not waste money. v.1

The government should spend money to protect the wild animals which are endangered but others think the extinction of wild animals is a natural phenomena and thus ministry should not waste money. v. 1
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid job. While people have different views of child, in my opinion disadvantages of being a toddler labour outweigh the advantages. Adolescent paid task has several benefits for the parents and employers and children themselves. Firstly, the children who job can acquire skills, they also can cover their expenses and become financially stable. Furthermore, by working, children gain self-esteem, and command respect from their elders. Secondly, the work of a juvenile is beneficial to some extent for their family. However, for the poverty stricken parents the work of their child is most beneficial. According to statistics, children commonly contribute around 20-25 percent of family income. Finally, the job of juveniles is most profitable for the employers in comparison to the parents. Children are cheap labourers. Moreover, because they are children, they have a particular physical characteristic like a nimble finger, sharp eyesight and sharp memory. On the other hand, teenager labour definitely has some drawbacks to all parties. By joining in the labour market from a very tender age, children become homeless and are devoid of love, care and affection, which is the basic right of a child. Besides, the right to recreation, leisure and other pleasures of childhood are affected by working as youth labourers. Although effort of children has some positive effect on the family, this benefit is for short periods only and education has much better effect, especially in this modern world. Employers should be aware that hiring a toddler in any way is against the law in many countries. They may be sentenced to pay penalty or even to go to prison. In conclusion, while youth work is beneficial for many parties, but the drawbacks outweigh the cons and in my opinion, children should spend their full time in their education program.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are engaged
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of paid job. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views of child, in my opinion disadvantages of being a toddler
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
outweigh the advantages.

Adolescent paid task has several benefits for the parents and employers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
themselves.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who job can acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they
also
can cover their expenses and become
financially
stable.
Furthermore
, by working,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain self-esteem, and command respect from their elders.
Secondly
, the work of a juvenile is beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent for their family.
However
, for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
poverty stricken
parents the work of their child is most beneficial. According to statistics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
commonly
contribute around 20-25 percent of family income.
Finally
, the job of juveniles is most profitable for the employers
in comparison
to the parents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they have a particular physical characteristic like a nimble finger, sharp eyesight and sharp memory.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
definitely has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to all parties. By joining in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tender age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become homeless and are devoid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, care and affection, which is the basic right of a child.
Besides
, the right to recreation, leisure and other pleasures of childhood are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by working as youth
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
. Although effort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the family, this benefit is for short periods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and education has much better effect,
especially
in this modern world. Employers should be aware that hiring a toddler in any way is against the law in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. They may
be sentenced
to pay penalty or even to go to prison.

In conclusion
, while youth work is beneficial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the drawbacks outweigh the cons and in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their full time in their education program.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should spend money to protect the wild animals which are endangered but others think the extinction of wild animals is a natural phenomena and thus ministry should not waste money. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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