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TOPIC: Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe it is getting easier. Discuss both views & give your own opinion. v.2

TOPIC: Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe it is getting easier. v. 2
Advanced technology, in today's world, is a boon for the police and criminal investigators, as it aids in the prevention of criminal activities and solving it. However, I believe that crime and criminals are increasing day by day and these technologies helps them to escape the punishments. In this era of technology, various advancement could be seen in the police departments. Gone are the days, when inspectors used to chase robbers on bikes or cars, now it is done through drones and helicopters. X-rays, which once meant to be a forte for radiologists are now being used to screen weapons even without touching the suspects. In addition, CCTV's are there in every nook and corners, from streets to bedrooms, hence, people aware of being watched, will stay away from illegal practices, heinous crimes and even small traffic violations. On the other hand, with the technological advancement, mobile phones and internet became one of the basic needs of mankind, which is a gateway for a new type called cybercrime. For example, pirated copy of movies is watched by millions online long before the official release; therefore, knowingly or unknowingly all these people are involved in wrongdoing. According to a report by Mr. Arvind Vashist, Head of Cyber Police in India, suicides accounts fro 5% death in New Delhi of which two- third are victims of pornography. Furthermore, nowadays thieves are stealing money from the banks with ease, sitting from the comfort of their home. To conclude, although, the advancement in science and technology reduced some crimes such as stealing, robbery etc. , there is a steep rise in cyber criminals and crimes associated with it.
Advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, is a boon for the police and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
investigators, as it aids in the prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities and solving it.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are increasing day by day and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to escape the punishments.

In this era of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, various advancement could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the police departments. Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days, when inspectors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to chase robbers on bikes or cars,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it
is done
through drones and helicopters. X-rays, which once meant to be a forte for radiologists are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to screen weapons even without touching the suspects.
In addition
, CCTV's are there in every nook and corners, from streets to bedrooms,
hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
, will stay away from illegal practices, heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
traffic violations.

On the other hand
, with the technological advancement, mobile phones and internet became one of the basic needs of mankind, which is a gateway for a new type called cybercrime.
For example
, pirated copy of movies is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by millions online long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the official release;
therefore
,
knowingly
or
unknowingly
all these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are involved
in wrongdoing. According to a report by Mr. Arvind
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vashist
, Head of Cyber Police in India, suicides accounts
Did you mean "for" or "from"?
fro
5% death in New Delhi of which two- third are victims of pornography.
Furthermore
, nowadays thieves are stealing money from the banks with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
, sitting from the comfort of their home.

To conclude
, although, the advancement in science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as stealing, robbery etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
there is a steep rise in cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
associated with it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TOPIC: Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe it is getting easier. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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