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do you agree or disagree with the following statement? parents are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. use specific reason and examples to support your ansewr. v.345

parents are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. use specific reason and examples to support your ansewr. v. 345
Education is the only field which allows to compete in the society. However the following statement states that a part of individuals in the world thinks that they should study whatever they fond of learning as per their interest. While, other people on the other hand, believe that as per the need of future such as science and technology should be taught in universities. In the following paragraph, I shall discuss both sides of the argument. I, personally side with the latter view. Firstly, the university provides the best education to humanity and if subjects match with the passion, then it is an overwhelming achievement for an individual. Moreover, it helps us to analyse the strength and weakness where they are lagging and allowing them to set a future in what they are good at. For example, if a student is fond of painting or good in sports but due to the culture of society will not allow him to explore his career in his field of interest. Therefore the consequences will be severe in his studies. On the other hand, today’s scenario where science and technology is changing the society with every passing year. Hence, these things made people to change their stream towards this science and technology field. Undoubtedly, such subjects are now considered as a contemporary as per the forthcoming aspects. In addition, after acquiring the knowledge on these subjects will also allow a growth of people and compete for an advance growing world. However, both the view has an equal importance in their perspective field. In conclusion, we can surely state that both the views play a vital role. But as per the era of improvisation science and technology has immense effect on developing nation which made some people to believe that this subject are important to be taught into the universities as a future facets than liking and interest.
Education is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
field which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "competing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to compete
in the society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the following statement states that a part of individuals in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that they should study whatever they fond of learning as per their interest. While, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the other hand
, believe that as per the need of future such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
should
be taught
in universities. In the following paragraph, I shall discuss both sides of the argument. I,
personally
side with the latter view.

Firstly
, the university provides the best education to humanity and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
match with the passion, then it is an overwhelming achievement for an individual.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the strength and weakness where they are lagging and allowing them to set a future in what they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at.
For example
, if a student is fond of painting or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the culture of society will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
him to explore his career in his field of interest.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the consequences will be severe in his studies.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s scenario where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is changing the society with every passing year.
Hence
, these things made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their stream towards this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
field.
Undoubtedly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
considered as a contemporary as per the forthcoming aspects.
In addition
, after acquiring the knowledge on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and compete for an advance growing world.
However
, both the view has an equal importance in their perspective field.

In conclusion
, we can
surely
state that both the views play a vital role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as per the era of improvisation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has immense effect on developing nation which made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be taught
into the universities as a future facets than liking and interest.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay parents are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. use specific reason and examples to support your ansewr. v. 345

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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