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Using the example of the vacuum cleaner, explain when it is legally acceptable to use exaggeration in advertising and when it is not. v.2

Using the example of the vacuum cleaner, explain when it is legally acceptable to use exaggeration in advertising and when it is not. v. 2
There is no doubt that universities play a crucial role in educating society. However, while some believe that these educating universities should accept only young pupils with high credentials, I would agree with those who argue that chance should also be given to those pupils with fewer marks and without any age restrictions. On the one hand, those who believe argue that it is vital for universities to accept only undergraduates with higher marks considering their reputation. This is because those students are highly intellectual and chances of their accepting to jobs after graduation are more compared to those who are average in studies. For instance, a recent study found that 70% of students are immediately hired after graduated from Queens University, which accepts only disciple with high grade. On the other hand, I believe that there should be no age restrictions and high grade ratio in admission. The reason for this is it seems like many undergraduates are underprivileged, and have lots of other circumstances, which lead them to struggle while studying and getting good marks. For example, in India, 65% people are living below the poverty line, owing to this many students take a gap year to earn handsome amount of money for further studies, and are unable to score high in exams. It has been also found that such students are generally found to be more creative and imaginative and always excel in their job duties. Therefore, universities should not consider age and marks while giving admissions. In conclusion, although marks are imperative in deciding admission for undergraduates, I feel that there should be no high grade quota and no age bar while selecting students.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
play a crucial role in educating society.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that these educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
young pupils with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
credentials, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who argue that chance should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those pupils with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
and without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
restrictions.

On the one hand, those who believe argue that it is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
undergraduates with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
considering their reputation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
highly
intellectual and chances of their accepting to jobs after graduation are more compared to those who are average in studies.
For instance
, a recent study found that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are immediately hired after graduated from Queens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, which accepts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disciple with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
grade.

On the other hand
, I believe that there should be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
restrictions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
grade ratio in admission.
The reason for this is
it seems like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
undergraduates
are underprivileged
, and have lots of other circumstances, which lead them to struggle while studying and getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
.
For example
, in India, 65%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living below the poverty line, owing to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take a gap year to earn handsome amount of money for
further
studies, and are unable to score
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
in exams. It has been
also
found that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
generally
found to be more creative and imaginative and always excel in their job duties.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should not consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
while giving admissions.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
are imperative in deciding admission for undergraduates, I feel that there should be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
grade quota and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bar while selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Using the example of the vacuum cleaner, explain when it is legally acceptable to use exaggeration in advertising and when it is not. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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