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A large number of young people cannot find jobs after they leave school. What problems will youth unemployment cause in individual and for society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among young people? v.1

A large number of young people cannot find jobs after they leave school. What problems will youth unemployment cause in individual and for society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among young people? v. 1
Undoubtedly, a computer is playing a vital role in the modern systems of education. Although some people believe that more usage of this device can affect the student-teacher relationship, I, along with many others opine that learning through computers help students to gain extra knowledge. The most crucial downside of excessive use of the computer in education is that it tends to widen the gap between a student and a teacher due to their lesser interactions. The reason for this is most of the educational institutes nowadays provide recorded videos of the lectures, which students can access anytime at home to understand the topic, owing to this, majority of the students do not attend the classroom lectures. As a consequence, a good relationship does not develop between a student and a teacher, therefore, there are perhaps more chances that teachers can incorrectly judge and analyse the performance of the students that might lower their grades in the internals. However, despite the aforementioned drawback, a stronger case for the utilization of computer in education can be drawn. To elaborate, with the help of internet learners can use this electronic device to access more information. Also, students have the ability to research and learn about any subject at the touch of a button. Wikipedia is a prime example, where they can simply type in any keyword and gain access to in-depth knowledge quickly and easily. Moreover, this information can be stored in the form of a word document or presentation slides in the computer to which learners can refer anytime while studying. As a result, there is more likely a chance that with the help of computer students can perform better in studies. In conclusion, while excessive use of computers can impact the interaction of students with their teachers, in my view, its usage is largely beneficial as it enables the learners to acquire knowledgeable information for better academic performance.
Undoubtedly
, a computer is playing a vital role in the modern systems of education. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that more usage of this device can affect the student-teacher relationship, I, along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others opine that learning through computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain extra knowledge.

The most crucial downside of excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the computer in education is that it tends to widen the gap between a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
due to their lesser interactions.
The reason for this is
most of the educational institutes nowadays provide recorded videos of the lectures, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can access anytime at home to understand the topic, owing to this, majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not attend the classroom lectures. As a consequence, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship does not develop between a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
therefore
, there are perhaps more chances that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
incorrectly
judge and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the performance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that might lower their grades in the internals.

However
, despite the aforementioned drawback, a stronger case for the utilization of computer in education can
be drawn
. To elaborate, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet learners can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this electronic device to access more information.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have the ability to research and learn about any subject at the touch of a button. Wikipedia is a prime example, where they can
simply
type in any keyword and gain access to in-depth knowledge
quickly
and
easily
.
Moreover
, this information can
be stored
in the form of a word document or presentation slides
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the computer".
in the computer
to which learners can refer anytime while studying.
As a result
, there is more likely a chance that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can perform better in studies.

In conclusion
, while excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers can impact the interaction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, in my view, its usage is
largely
beneficial as it enables the learners to acquire knowledgeable information for better academic performance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A large number of young people cannot find jobs after they leave school. What problems will youth unemployment cause in individual and for society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among young people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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