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Using social media as Facebook, Twitter is replacing face to face communication in this century. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Using social media as Facebook, Twitter is replacing face to face communication in this century. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
There have been an increasing number of people who use social networks such as Facebook and Twitter and less face to face communication in recent days. I will investigate the advantages and disadvantages in this essay. First of all, it is undeniable that the social networking sites are the major platform on the internet for communication and exchange of information since the early 21st century. Regarding to this, people from all around the world started using to connect with friends and family members to share and communicate through photos or text messages. There are a large number of software to connect with. However, two main of them, and the most useable are Facebook and Twitter. For instance, networking without border is one of the noteworthy advantages of social sites, because it enables everyone to connect no matter with a country they belong to. Second of all, in today's modernized era the networking sites give not only the fastest way to connect with friends and family, but also it is a great marketing channel for business. This is where the business can cash in and leverage presence of people on social media. To illustrate, Facebook alone has 2. 26 billion users and Twitter in a close second at 1. 9 billion users. These platforms are creating a great opportunity where small businesses can start marketing. On the other hand, it is frequently noted that people become less communicative and rudder with each day. The compulsive behaviour developed due to social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter leads to negative effects. It becomes as a global problem. For example, social media addict checks out people's profiles for hours, which can make users dependent. Researchers concluded that social media addiction can be stronger than addiction to cigarettes and alcohol. In other words, these networks bring a great amount of unfavorable aspects. To conclude, from aforementioned points it is clear that even if the social sites have hundreds of benefits cannot be ignored that it have one big drawback.
There have been an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks such as Facebook and Twitter and less face to face communication in recent days. I will investigate the advantages and disadvantages in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are the major platform on the internet for communication and exchange of information since the early 21st century.
The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connect
with friends and family members to share and communicate through photos or text messages. There are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
software to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connect
with.
However
, two main of them, and the most useable are Facebook and Twitter.
For instance
, networking without border is one of the noteworthy advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it enables everyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connect
no matter with a country they belong to.

Second of all, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modernized era the networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
give not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the fastest way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connect
with friends and family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is a great marketing channel for business. This is where the business can cash in and leverage presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media. To illustrate, Facebook alone has 2. 26 billion users and Twitter in a close second at 1. 9 billion users. These platforms are creating a great opportunity where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
marketing.

On the other hand
, it is
frequently
noted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become less communicative and rudder with each day. The compulsive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
developed due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
like Facebook and Twitter leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. It becomes as a global problem.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media addict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's profiles for hours, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
users dependent. Researchers concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media addiction can be stronger than addiction to cigarettes and alcohol.
In other words
, these networks bring a great amount of unfavorable aspects.

To conclude
, from aforementioned points it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have hundreds of benefits cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
that it have one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
drawback.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Using social media as Facebook, Twitter is replacing face to face communication in this century. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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