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In some time countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.1

In some time countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 1
It is quite common these days for young people in many countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school. The trend is not restricted to rich students only who have the money to travel, but also evident among the poorer students who choose to work and become more economically independent for a period of time. The reason for this trend may involve the recognition that a young adult who passes directly from school to university is rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world. In contrast, those who have spent some time earning a living or travelling to other places, have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more independent, which is a very important factor in academic study and research, as well as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of student life. However, there are certain dangers in taking time off at the important age. Young adults may end up never returning to their studies or finding at difficult to adapt to an academic environment. They may think that it is better to continue in a particular job, or to do something completely different from a university course. But overall, I think this is less likely today, when academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable career. I firmly believe that, young people should be encouraged to break their boundaries. That is the best way for them to get the perspective of what they are hoping to do with their lives and why. Students with such phenomena are usually the most effective and motivated once and taking a year off may be the best way to gain this.
It is quite common these days for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school. The trend is not restricted to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the money to travel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
evident among the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose to work and become more
economically
independent for a period of time.

The reason for this trend may involve the recognition that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
passes
directly
from school to university is
rather
restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world.
In contrast
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time earning a living or travelling to other places, have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more independent, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in academic study and research,
as well
as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life.

However
, there are certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
in taking time off at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
adults may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up never returning to their studies or finding at difficult to adapt to an academic environment. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better to continue in a particular job, or to do something completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from a university course.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
overall
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is less likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, when academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable career.

I
firmly
believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be encouraged
to break their boundaries.
That is
the best way for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the perspective of what they are hoping to do with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and why.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
with such phenomena are
usually
the most effective and motivated once and taking a year off may be the best way to gain this.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some time countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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