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Using points and examples from the lecture, explain how goats are related to the spread of desertification. v.1

Using points and examples from the lecture, explain how goats are related to the spread of desertification. v. 1
The growing economy of a country has impacted people’s life in both positive and negative ways. The health problem is one of the negative effects derived from it. Health problems, which are usually triggered by unhealthy lifestyle have affected many people from many countries. This essay will discuss about the rationale behind it and the strategy to reduce the number of people suffering from health problem resulted from an unhealthy lifestyle. People live in unhealthy ways because of some underlying reasons. To begin with, as the economy of a country grows, the expectation of many employers is increasing. Thus, employees work and sit in longer hour. Moreover, fast paced environment and technology advancement change the way people live, especially in the food people consume. Therefore, many people choose to eat junk food, which is well known for its dangerous effect on health, since it is more efficient and less time consuming. As a consequent, eating junk food can result in an increase over the percentage of risk on people health issue. There are some ideas that can be done in order to reduce the number of people living in unhealthy ways. Firstly, to boost the awareness of society towards the healthy lifestyle, government can promote the importance of a healthy lifestyle. Secondly, the government can use their budget to build new parks, gym or other sport courts all over the city and make the access of the new facilities free for all levels of society. Finally, through doing these strategies, not only can the government increase the awareness of their people, but it can also provide people with different options to start and apply healthier lifestyle. In conclusion, technology and growing demand in the workplaces have led people to live in unhealthy life. To minimise this condition, the government should start promoting healthy lifestyle and construct many new facilities. By improving the city condition, the city will be far more suitable and appropriate for people who want to live in a healthier condition.
The growing economy of a country has impacted
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people’s
life in both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
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ways
. The
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health
problem is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects derived from it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
problems, which are
usually
triggered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
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lifestyle
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
rationale behind it and the strategy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem resulted from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
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live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
underlying reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as the economy of a country grows, the expectation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers is increasing.
Thus
, employees work and sit in longer hour.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced environment and technology advancement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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live
,
especially
in the food
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people
consume.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to eat junk food, which is well known for its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
effect on
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health
, since it is more efficient and less
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
. As a consequent, eating junk food can result in an increase over the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
on
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that can
be done
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
Firstly
, to boost the awareness of society towards the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can promote the importance of a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their budget to build new parks, gym or other sport courts all over the city and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the access of the new facilities free for all levels of society.
Finally
, through doing these strategies, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can the
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government
increase the awareness of their
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people
,
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but
it can
also
provide
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people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
options to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and apply healthier lifestyle.

In conclusion
, technology and growing demand in the workplaces have led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
life. To
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
this condition, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
promoting healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and construct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new facilities. By improving the city condition, the city will be far more suitable and appropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a healthier condition.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using points and examples from the lecture, explain how goats are related to the spread of desertification. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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