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If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v.1

If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1
Online shopping is one of the major trends in this state of the art period. It has grown tremendously which in turn can lead to a shutdown of shops in our cities and towns. In this essay, I would like to explain the advantages of online shopping and also I would be explaining about the impact on local markets. Firstly, people are more lazy; everyone likes everything in their fingertips. We can buy anything under the sun - clothes, groceries, household furniture’s, kitchen stuffs, medicines, foods, etc. So why go shopping? Nowadays, it is so much helpful for the people who cannot go out. For instance, there are old people who need someone’s help to go outside, for them everything on their finger tip makes life easier. Amazon is one of the largest online providers in this sector. They have made a vast impact on online shopping. On the other hand, as online websites are increasing day by day, due to which the local shopkeepers are getting affected drastically. They are helpless as the websites are selling product in reduced price than the market rates. And apart from reduced price the online shops provide high discounts like Black Friday discounts, midnight sale, buy 2 get 2 offers, which in turn makes the people much attracted to online purchasing. However, people are getting everything in their doorstep, so that they don't need to go for buying milk even, which in turn leads to a lot of health related issues since there is no activities required for their body. So to recapitulate, as world is running with modern technologies, we also need to be running at that pace. But we need to understand there will be a close down to the local shops, if we don't support them. And also think, health is wealth! Find happiness to go outside and take care of your health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
shopping is one of the major trends in this
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
period. It has grown
tremendously
which in turn can lead to a shutdown of shops in our cities and towns. In this essay, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping and
also
I would be explaining about the impact on local markets.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more lazy; everyone likes everything in their fingertips. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything under the sun
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
clothes, groceries, household furniture’s, kitchen stuffs, medicines, foods, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
why go shopping? Nowadays, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much helpful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot go out.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
someone’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to go outside, for them everything on their finger tip
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life easier. Amazon is one of the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
providers in this sector. They have made a vast impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.

On the other hand
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
websites are increasing day by day, due to which the local shopkeepers are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
drastically
. They are helpless as the websites are selling product in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
price than the market rates. And apart from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
price the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops provide high discounts like Black Friday discounts, midnight sale,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
2
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
2 offers, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
much attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
purchasing.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting everything in their doorstep,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to go for buying milk even, which in turn leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health related issues since there is no activities required for their body.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to recapitulate, as world is running with modern technologies, we
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be running at that pace.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to understand there will be a close down to the local shops, if we don't support them. And
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, health is wealth! Find happiness to go outside and take care of your health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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