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TPO 47 - Question 6Using the example of goats from the lecture, explain the two benefits of animal domestication for early humans. v.1

TPO 47 - Question 6Using the example of goats from the lecture, explain the two benefits of animal domestication for early humans. v. 1
There is no doubt that public health is one of the major cornerstones of every country. Some ardently believe that increasing sports facilities is the best approach to improve public health, while others contentiously argue that this has a negligible effect on public health and require more effective measures. In this essay, I will discuss this question from both points of view and then state my own opinion on the topic. On one side of the argument, many contend that the benefits of more sports facilities such as gym, badminton arena and football field do indeed considerably outweigh the opposing arguments. The primary reason for believing this is that many aspire to hit the gym but shy away from the same as its far from their home. Thus, with the availability of more sports facilities, more will be aspired to utilise the facilities. Furthermore, it is also possible to say that more sports facilities mean a wider range of options catering to people of all walks of life. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact, awareness regarding disease is the best way to improve public health. Education regarding the ill-effects of disease would be a crucial step in public health betterment. Many share this opinion because merely increasing the number of sports facilities would have little if any, the effect on public health. This is because in today’s fast-paced world no one has the time to visit these facilities. In conclusion, both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that by just increasing the quantity of sports facilities, public health would not improve. Spreading awareness regarding diseases would be a wiser approach to improve public health since many cannot afford the time to utilise the mushrooming sports facilities.
There is no doubt that
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public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is one of the major cornerstones of every country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
ardently
believe that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is the best approach to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, while others
contentiously
argue that this has a negligible effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and require more effective measures. In this essay, I will discuss this question from both points of view and then state my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion on the topic.

On one side of the argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
contend that the benefits of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities such as gym, badminton arena and football field do
indeed
considerably
outweigh the opposing arguments. The primary reason for believing this is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspire to hit the gym
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
shy away from the same as its far from their home.
Thus
, with the availability of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, more will
be aspired
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the facilities.
Furthermore
, it is
also
possible to say that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities mean a wider range of options catering to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all walks of life.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that in fact, awareness regarding disease is the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Education regarding the ill-effects of disease would be a crucial step in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
betterment.
Possible agreement error. The noun share seems to be countable; consider using: "Many shares".
Many share
this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
merely
increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
if any, the effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world no one has the time to visit these facilities.

In conclusion
, both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I feel that by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increasing the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
. Spreading awareness regarding diseases would be a wiser approach to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cannot afford the time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the mushrooming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay TPO 47 - Question 6Using the example of goats from the lecture, explain the two benefits of animal domestication for early humans. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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