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Some people think that advertisements are good for the society whereas others oppose this view. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that advertisements are good for the society whereas others oppose this view. v. 1
The government has a responsibility to improve the living conditions for its citizens. But not every country has the ability to do. When a country is stricken by poverty, should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations? I believe that richer nations are not obliged to share their wealth among poorer nations and they have right whether they want to donate or not. To begin, we all belong to one mankind. Every person has right to have educations and to live in a good condition. There are many countries who are confronting the problems such as war, famine, drought, flood, lack of food and education system. For instance, in Africa hundreds and thousand of people are living without enough food and education system. But the governments couldn't take action against poverty and starvation because they don't have ample amount of money to build a suitable education system and resources to provide food. In such occasions, there is no way of improving without the help of other nations. They will become poorer and poorer. And as a result, the poorer nations will be wiped away from this planet. On the other hand, giving poor nations food and resources without getting anything in return will remove any motivation for them to develop and they will get used to being helped. They are obliged to look after its citizens, because they are independent countries. Also, donating food and basic need to poorer nations, is not considered as a real help. All of these can be easily used up in a short period of time, instead they should help poor nations with technology and expert skills. A combination of technology and trained generation can build up the long term economic status of the country. To conclude, richer nations are not responsible for helping poorer nations, its their preferences.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has a responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living conditions for its citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has the ability to do. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is stricken by poverty, should wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
be required
to share their wealth among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
? I believe that richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are not obliged to share their wealth among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nations and
they have right whether they want to donate or not.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, we all belong to one mankind. Every person has right to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who are confronting the problems such as war, famine, drought, flood, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.
For instance
, in Africa hundreds and
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
couldn't take action against poverty and starvation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't have ample amount of money to build a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system and resources to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In such occasions, there is no way of improving without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. They will become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
. And
as a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will
be wiped
away from this planet.

On the other hand
, giving poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and resources without getting anything in return will remove any motivation for them to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
develop and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
. They
are obliged
to look after its citizens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Also
, donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and basic need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, is not considered as a real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. All of these can be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
up in a short period of time,
instead
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
with technology and expert
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. A combination of technology and trained generation can build up the long term economic status of the country.

To conclude
, richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are not responsible for helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
their preferences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that advertisements are good for the society whereas others oppose this view. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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