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Urbanisation has meant that more and more families are raising their children in the city; however, the countryside is a far better environment to bring up children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion v.1

Urbanisation has meant that more and more families are raising their children in the city; however, the countryside is a far better environment to bring up children. with this opinion v. 1
Current global market focus towards the sustainability approach for clean environment, parents want their kids to grow up in the rural areas because of a healthy lifestyle and away for the technologies. This essay agrees with the statement. Healthy lifestyle in the countryside gives access to the products that are grown organic method without the use of chemicals and in addition provide fresh product easily available in the market or grown in the back yard. Further environmental air quality is better compared to development cities because of the limited pollutant release to air. As per a recent study conducted by Environmental Protection Agency- United States, shown that air quality in countryside area is 47 % Good than in city. E. g. Carbon emissions 35 Tons per year in city compare to 10 Tons Per year in rural areas. Access to innovative technologies in the market, children of different age group are easily influenced to social and gaming platforms. Younger generation kids are more addicted to gaming that may have negative health effect and increasing the obesity due to less involvement in physical activity. According to the study done by an NGO – Children Vision, reported that developed city 34. 7 % of kids are less active to compare to underdeveloped city due to easily expose to new technologies. In conclusion to the statement, countryside lifestyle will have a positive impact on kid’s development with access to the health food, clean air, water and more over staying fit by involving in different physical activities and less involved in the technologies. For this reason, families consider moving to a better environment for the kids.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Current
global market focus towards the sustainability approach for clean environment, parents want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to grow up in the rural areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a healthy lifestyle and away for the technologies. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement.

Healthy lifestyle in the countryside gives access to the products that
are grown
organic method without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of chemicals and
in addition
provide fresh product
easily
available in the market or grown in the back yard.
Further
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
quality is better compared to development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the limited pollutant release to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
. As per a recent study conducted by Environmental Protection Agency- United States, shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
quality in countryside area is 47 %
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
than in city.
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
E. g.
Carbon emissions 35 Tons per year in city compare to 10 Tons Per year in rural areas.

Access to innovative technologies in the market, children of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age group are
easily
influenced to social and gaming platforms. Younger generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are more addicted to gaming that may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
health effect and increasing the obesity due to less involvement in physical activity. According to the study done by an NGO
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Children Vision, reported that developed city 34. 7 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are less active to compare to underdeveloped city due to
easily
expose to new technologies.

In conclusion
to the statement, countryside lifestyle will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
development with access to the health food, clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
, water and more over staying fit by involving in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
physical activities and less involved in the technologies.
For this reason
, families consider moving to a better environment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Urbanisation has meant that more and more families are raising their children in the city; however, the countryside is a far better environment to bring up children. with this opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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