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Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. v. 2
It is a fact that technology is vital to living in the cyber era. Therefore many people argue that modern technologies and devices like cellular phones are building barriers between social activities. Even though the techs make lives more convenient, I fully agree with the above statement, and I will discuss it in this essay. Since the last three decayed we have been fast phasing trough the digitalisation, among them telecommunication technology plays a vital role. It is an essential medium when coming to connecting the world, such technologies like the internet and advanced mobile devices, which aid two or more persons to connect from different places. However, social interaction between parties may become weaker due to this matter. In the past, people used to meet face-to-face for discussions and to do various activities which are more healthy and joyful. That has given a great opportunity to develop a real understanding between each other and how they really felt. For example, according to researchers, people spent less than a minute talking to their close relatives' trough the phone, because of this, unfortunately, society may infest with robot-like people. Furthermore, the children and the younger generation have become victims of such devices. Present-day they tend to spend a significant amount of time on their mobile devices, therefore many reluctant to go out and socialize. Social interaction is a paramount factor for healthy physical and brain development, whereas, this causes to lower the development of these vital elements. Therefore, there is a surpassing chance of making socially dormant younger people in society. To conclude, it is obvious that mobile devices are the one major cause to lose social connectivity in modern society due to lack of up-close and personal feeling and developing socially active children. Therefore I will fully agree with the statement.
It is a fact that
technology
is vital to living in the cyber era.
Therefore
many
people
argue that modern
technologies
and
devices
like cellular phones are building barriers between
social
activities.
Even though
the techs
make
lives
more convenient, I
fully
agree
with the above statement, and I will discuss it in this essay.

Since the last three decayed we have been
fast
phasing trough the
digitalisation
, among them telecommunication
technology
plays a vital role. It is an essential medium when coming to connecting the world, such
technologies
like the internet and advanced mobile
devices
, which aid two or more persons to connect from
different
places.
However
,
social
interaction between parties may become weaker due to this matter. In the past,
people
used
to
meet
face-to-face for discussions and to do various activities which are more healthy and joyful. That has
given
a great opportunity to develop a real understanding between each other and how they
really
felt.
For example
, according to researchers,
people
spent less than a minute talking to their close relatives' trough the phone,
because of this
, unfortunately, society may infest with robot-like
people
.

Furthermore
, the children and the younger generation have become victims of such
devices
. Present-day they tend to spend a significant amount of time on their mobile
devices
,
therefore
many
reluctant to go out and socialize.
Social
interaction is a paramount factor for healthy physical and brain development, whereas, this causes to lower the development of these vital elements.
Therefore
, there is a surpassing chance of making
socially
dormant younger
people
in society.

To conclude
, it is obvious that mobile
devices
are the one major cause to lose
social
connectivity in modern society due to lack of up-close and personal feeling and developing
socially
active children.
Therefore
I will
fully
agree
with the statement.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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