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University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. v. 8
However, many people still being able to complete their works by just hands. I believe that machines completely can regulate those works with better superiority and spend short period of time. In this essay, i will discuss reasons and examples to support my point of view. To begin with, Machines totally can regulate those works better than human. Even the man brainy men whose are able to calculate immediately many equations in their head and, then, quickly answer the question, will never be simple computer or a calculator. Therefore, several positions related with mathematics such as accountants, scientists and engineers will certainly perform faster and more precise by using, at least, the computer and calculator. Moreover, using such calculators always give the right mathematical answer. Second, Machines can work neater than people. Although, people look very neat and so attractive or charismatic that it is always so beautiful that it does not always mean that, and plus, machines even look dirty or dusty also it is the same. If you want to write a few letters by hand, it probably become a little bit messy. If you type your letters using by computer, it is obviously going to have clean and efficiency. There is no matter how your computer and you look like. Third, present-day machines support the creativity of people. Machines are becoming more and more professional or perfect. Many ideas and feature and some equipment can be added, altered or removed, easily by using the computers. What this means is that people have no doubt use the machines or computers which are able to support the development of people. In conclusion, i suggest that people, if possible, use machines and technologies to perform their work because they will finish it faster, neater and better than to work in hands.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
being able to complete their works by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
hands. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
completely can regulate those works with better superiority and spend short period of time. In this essay,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss reasons and examples to support my point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Machines
totally
can regulate those works better than human. Even the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
brainy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
whose are able to calculate immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
equations in their head and, then,
quickly
answer the question, will never be simple computer or a calculator.
Therefore
, several positions related with mathematics such as accountants, scientists and engineers will
certainly
perform faster and more precise by using, at least, the computer and calculator.
Moreover
, using such calculators always give the right mathematical answer.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Machines
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
neater than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
neat and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
attractive or charismatic that it is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
that it does not always mean that, and plus,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
even look dirty or dusty
also
it is the same. If you want to write a few letters by hand, it
probably
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
messy. If you type your letters using by computer, it is
obviously
going to have clean and efficiency. There is no matter how your computer and you look like.

Third, present-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
support the creativity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Machines
are becoming more and more professional or perfect.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and feature and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
equipment can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
, altered or removed,
easily
by using the computers. What this means is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no doubt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
or computers which are able to support the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if possible,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
and technologies to perform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will finish it faster, neater and better than to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in hands.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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