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University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. v. 4
Most higher education scholars focus on one subject, however, there are some, who believe universities should motivate them into studying a greater range of subjects. I partially agree with this, because it can bring many benefits for those who are studying in a university, but this idea must be correctly implanted, so it will not bring negative impacts. This idea can generate great advantages if the students are able to fully control these extra classes, which ones they will do, if they do any at all. One advantage is discovering other disciplines they might enjoy, because not all students know for sure which career path they want to pursue, and these subjects may help them to find out. Another benefit is that they can enjoy studying more by adding discipline they enjoy to study, and as a bonus they get to learn more. Nevertheless, if not carefully managed, there are a few drawbacks that can come to be. The first one is not giving a good variety of subjects, which, can lead into frustration for the scholars, because they will not be able to pick and study the disciplines they wish for. A second issue is if the universities make those extra disciplines mandatory, since, many students probably work to pay their fees, this would result in them feeling overworked. To conclude, If this system is correctly implanted and administrate by the institutions, it can certainly achieve positive results. Results as self discovery, more enjoyment and more knowledge for the scholars. But, if poorly executed, this system may bring negative impacts for students. At the end of the day, the most important thing, is to guarantee the best higher education possible.
Use only "higher" (without 'Most') when you use the comparative.
Most higher
education scholars focus on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
,
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, who believe universities should motivate them into studying a greater range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for those who are studying in a university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
correctly
implanted,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will not bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.

This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
can generate great advantages if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to
fully
control these extra classes, which ones they will do, if they do any at all. One advantage is discovering other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disciplines
they might enjoy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
know for sure which career path they want to pursue, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
may
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help them find"?
help them to find
out. Another benefit is that they can enjoy studying more by adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
they enjoy to study, and as a bonus they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn more.

Nevertheless
, if not
carefully
managed, there are a few drawbacks that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to be. The
first
one is not giving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which, can lead into frustration for the scholars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will not be able to pick and study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disciplines
they wish for. A second issue is if the universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
those extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disciplines
mandatory, since,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
probably
work to pay their fees, this would result in them feeling overworked.

To conclude
, If this system is
correctly
implanted and administrate by the institutions, it can
certainly
achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results. Results as self discovery, more enjoyment and more knowledge for the scholars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if
poorly
executed, this system may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing, is to guarantee the best higher education possible.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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