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University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. v. 1
It is true that nowadays, tertiary students are prone to concentrate on their one specialist subject. However, some people support that universities should enlarge their curriculum to encourage students study various subjects. I totally agree that students need more knowledge besides their professional one. On the one hand, increasing subjects leads students reduce their restrain which results from main subjects. In many university, students are always under pressure because of their intensive examinations, combining many disciplines in academic subjects, which make students be nerve- wracking. Therefore, some extra subjects such as art, music, sports help them have more time to loosen up a bit and enjoy their own company. Moreover, extra subjects contribute to improve their both brain hemispheres. According to BBC news, all academic subjects need activities of left brain hemisphere while composing art or music depends on right one. For that reason, combining both main and auxiliary subjects for students to develop comprehensively as well as avoiding abnormal development. For example, arts subjects help students improve their creativity, which complements for thinking ( ) in main subjects. On the other hand, studying more subjects in university increases job opportunities for students. The first reason for this belief is that some pupils are not really keen on their majors as they just choose it because of their parents’ advice. By studying various subjects, they can have chance to find their interest, thus, follow the right passions. The second reason is extra courses will help students avoid unemployment, which results from many students chose some popular majors such as finance or business-related one. Therefore, in these majors, there are scarce recruitments because of redundant employees. However, if students have knowledge beyond a major, they can have wider range of job choices. In conclusion, it is extremely essential that university should include more subjects so that students can receive advantages from this.
It is true that nowadays, tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are prone to concentrate on their one specialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should enlarge their curriculum to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
study various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need more knowledge
besides
their professional one.

On the one hand, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
The word 'restrain' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "restraint"?
restrain
which results from main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are always under pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their intensive examinations, combining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disciplines in academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be nerve- wracking.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as art, music, sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them have more time to loosen up a bit and enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Moreover
, extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their both brain hemispheres. According to BBC news, all academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
need activities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
brain hemisphere while composing art or music depends on right one. For that reason, combining both main and auxiliary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop
comprehensively
as well
as avoiding abnormal development.
For example
, arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their creativity, which complements for thinking
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
) in main subjects.

On the other hand
, studying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
increases job opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The
first
reason for this belief is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pupils are not
really
keen on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
choose it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their parents’ advice. By studying various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they can have chance to find their interest,
thus
, follow the right passions. The second reason is extra courses will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
avoid unemployment, which results from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
chose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
such as finance or business-related one.
Therefore
, in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
, there are scarce recruitments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of redundant employees.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have knowledge beyond a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
, they can have wider range of job choices.

In conclusion
, it is
extremely
essential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should include more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can receive advantages from this.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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