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Some people believe that parents have a great influence on children’s growth but influences from the outside play a more important role. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that parents have a great influence on children’s growth but influences from the outside play a more important role. v. 2
One of the highly controversial issues today relates to what element influences a child' s growth more: parents or the external world. Personally, I firmly believe that family is the most important factor in overall child development by the nature of attachment given during childhood and parenting styles used thus affecting their behavior. Truth be told, parents provide bonding and first relationship as well as a supportive and secure environment for their kids unconditionally by nurturing and protecting them. Obviously, due to their curiosity and immaturity, children are easily tempted to some forbidden acts like using illegal drugs or stealing money. That makes the part of the parents' guidance and supervision much more significant. Furthermore, if a child wants to take a piece of advice from someone, definitely parents are the one willing to lead them in the correct path and distinguishing between the right and the wrong, not the other people. Besides, styles of parenting have a big effect on child development, as well. Taking an idiom -" Like father, like son" - as an example, children tend to notice and imitate parents' behaviors because they regard parents as their ideal " role models" . So, they are able to form as well as develop their confidence, socialization skills, morals, values and views on life through their interaction with parents at the early ages. In conclusion, although, there may have a few effects coming from outside, I apparently believe that the parents' influence affects the cognitive development of a child to be a good or bad person from his or her core.
One of the
highly
controversial issues
today
relates to what element influences a
child&
#039; s growth more:
parents
or the external world.
Personally
, I
firmly
believe that family is the most
important
factor in
overall
child
development by the nature of attachment
given
during childhood and parenting styles
used
thus
affecting their behavior.

Truth be
told
,
parents
provide bonding and
first
relationship
as well
as a supportive and secure environment for their kids
unconditionally
by nurturing and protecting them.
Obviously
, due to their curiosity and immaturity, children are
easily
tempted to
some
forbidden acts like using illegal drugs or stealing money. That
makes
the part of the
parents&
#039; guidance and supervision much more significant.
Furthermore
, if a
child
wants to take a piece of advice from someone, definitely
parents
are the one willing to lead them in the correct path and distinguishing between the right and the
wrong
, not the other
people
.

Besides
, styles of parenting have a
big
effect on
child
development,
as well
. Taking an idiom
-&quot
; Like father, like
son&quot
;
-
as an example, children tend to notice and imitate
parents&
#039; behaviors
because
they regard
parents
as their ideal
&quot
; role
models&quot
;
.
So
, they are able to form
as well
as develop their confidence, socialization
skills
, morals, values and views on life through their interaction with
parents
at the early ages.

In conclusion
, although, there may have a few effects coming from outside, I
apparently
believe that the
parents&
#039; influence affects the cognitive development of a
child
to be a
good
or
bad
person from
his or her
core.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that parents have a great influence on children’s growth but influences from the outside play a more important role. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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