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University should allocate money to increase professors salaries so as to improve the quality of education v.2

University should allocate money to increase professors salaries so as to improve the quality of education v. 2
Recent years, there has been a heated discussion about whether the equality of education could be improved by raising salaries of professors. Spending more money on salaries of professors, in some people’s view, may undermine teacher’s zest for teaching. My perspective, contrary to these opinions, is that higher salaries could be a strong attribution to professors, thus they may make every effort to grasp at the job. First of all, it is more appealing for new applicants which own the greater education ability. In a word, the better professors are, the higher income they want to get. There is no doubt that becoming a senior teacher should spend more time and money on their career development, thus, they forward to paying. As is shown in survey, more than a half of teachers claim that they prefer working for the college with a competitive earnings. For one thing, increase of salaries could help universities to recruit greater professors. For another thing, the greater professors could help universities to improve its education quality. Secondly, higher income also benefits to teachers’ families. In detail, with a wealth of money collected, they can shoulder family responsibilities. Hardly can a impoverished adult introduce his family members to private health care, a quality education or regular family vacations. With a higher salary obtained, professors could easily take care of their families, thus, they will have more time to discover the shortages in teaching and upgrade soon. Thirdly, professors given the higher salaries will have more opportunities to develop their career. For example, if a teacher earns a high income per month, he could take some courses of teaching methods. Thus, the knowledge and skills will possibly pave the way for his career development, and finally contribute to the equality of education. Nevertheless, overestimating the importance of salaries may bring about something unfavorable. Some professors tend to ignore the processing of teaching and practicing. To avoid such an extent, universities ought to start up the investigation system which restrains the power of teacher and emphasizes the responsibility of education. All in all, I stand for the idea that higher salaries could contribute to education equality of professors. No one wants to fight without enough money for surviving. Therefore, there is every reason to believe that universities could have more high-level professors after increasing salaries, and most of which will have further improvement in time.
Recent years, there has been a heated discussion about whether the equality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
. Spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s view, may undermine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher’s
zest for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
. My perspective, contrary to these opinions, is that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
could be a strong attribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
every effort to grasp
In English, people don't say "at the job". They say, 'on the job' or 'at work'. Did you mean "on the job" or "at work"?
at the job
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is more appealing for new applicants which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
ability. In a word, the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
are, the higher income they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. There is no doubt that becoming a senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
should spend more time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on their career development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
, they forward to paying. As
is shown
in survey, more than a half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
claim that they prefer working for the college with a competitive
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "earning"?
earnings
. For one thing, increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to recruit greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
. For another thing, the greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
quality.

Secondly
, higher income
also
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In detail, with a wealth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
collected, they can shoulder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
responsibilities. Hardly can
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
impoverished adult introduce his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to private health care, a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
vacations. With a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
obtained,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
could
easily
take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
, they will have more time to discover the shortages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
and upgrade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
will have more opportunities to develop their career.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
earns a high income per month, he could take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
methods.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Thus
, the knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
possibly
pave the way for his career development, and
finally
contribute to the equality of education.

Nevertheless
, overestimating the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
may bring about something unfavorable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the processing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
and practicing. To avoid such an extent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up the investigation system which restrains the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and emphasizes the responsibility of education.

All in all, I stand for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
could contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
equality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
. No one wants to fight without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for surviving.
Therefore
, there is every reason to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
could have more high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
after increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, and most of which will have
further
improvement in time.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay University should allocate money to increase professors salaries so as to improve the quality of education v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
397 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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