Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. v.1

Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. v. 1
Some people believe that universities should give more money for the sports activities. They claim that importance of libraries and sports are the same. I can not completely agree with this statement. In the following paragraphs, I will give some basic reasons why I think that way. I am a former student and I know all advantages that can be given by libraries. First for all, it is the cheapest way to prepare for the incoming lecture, to do the homework, to make a research and just to read some books. From my point of view, it is very important to supply the libraries with the new books, magazines, journals and newspaper. Second of all, libraries are the places where students can spend a few hours reading between lectures if their schedule does not allow them to go home. So, libraries must be light and large enough, have comfortable chairs and tables. A third reason, why a good library is so significant for a student is that it is a free access to computers and the Internet. If a student can not allow to buy himself a computer or an access to the Internet he can use it there. I like libraries because it is a good place to meet and communicate with each other, surf the Internet looking for the last news, read some books that you do not want to buy and just relax to the accompaniment of the pages. As for sports activities, I think it must be up to a person. First of all, he or she goes to a university to gain knowledge, not lose some weight or work out. Second of all, a student must arrange his or her time in order to have time to exercise. However, I must say that every university should have few playgrounds, a pool and a fitness centre where students may have a rest after strained days. One more reason to have really good libraries is that it can save not only money but time for students. A person has not to drive to the bookstore to get materials he or she is looking for. So, a library can save time that then can be spent on a sport. To draw the conclusion, I think libraries must stay the main resource of knowledge. So, if a university has some extra money they should be spent on the new books, new software and new equipment for the libraries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should give more money for the sports activities. They claim that importance of libraries and sports are the same. I can not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. In the following paragraphs, I will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that way.

I am a former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and I know all advantages that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by libraries.
First
for all, it is the cheapest way to prepare for the incoming lecture, to do the homework, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a research and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. From my point of view, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to supply the libraries with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, magazines, journals and newspaper. Second of all, libraries are the places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can spend a few hours reading between lectures if their schedule does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to go home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, libraries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be light and large
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, have comfortable chairs and tables. A third reason, why a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
library is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
significant for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is that it is
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "free access".
a free access
to computers and the Internet. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
himself a computer or
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to the Internet he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it there. I like libraries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and communicate with each other, surf the Internet looking for the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that you do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
relax to the accompaniment of the pages.

As for sports activities, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be up to a person.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, he or she goes to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to gain knowledge, not lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weight or work out. Second of all, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to exercise.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should have few playgrounds, a pool and a fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may have a rest after strained days.

One more reason to have
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
libraries is that it can save not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. A person has not to drive to the bookstore to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
materials he or she is looking for.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a library can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that then can
be spent
on a sport.

To draw the conclusion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
libraries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
stay the main resource of knowledge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra money they should
be spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
software and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
equipment for the libraries.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
409 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts