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Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better? v.7

Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better? v. 7
I think that the issue whether all students are required to wear school uniform is the one that is open for debate. Some people think that all students must wear the school uniform. However, others think that students should decide what to wear to school themselves or by their parents. Personally, I believe that students should wear what they like. For several reasons, which I will mention bellow, I think that school uniforms should not be required to wear at high school level. First of all, if students do not have school uniforms they can wear what they like to wear. Personally, I like to wear clothes which are comfortable. Also, I am a female and I like to wear jeans and shorts, and as far as I know girls must wear skirts as part of their school uniform. I think many female students will agree with me that jeans are much more comfortable than skirts. Second of all, I believe that school uniforms must not cause any discomfort. For example, some international students will find it unacceptable to wear some of the uniform's parts. I am from Russia and when I was a student of the elementary school I was required to wear the school uniform that included a dark blue skirt and a white or light blue shirt. I did not like it very much because I did not like the fact that all students were dressed in the same colour. We dressed the same way and we were permitted to wear any adornments. Personally, I did not like the fact that girls always had to wear skirts and it was not convenient, especially in cold weather. In short, I think that students should wear to school what they want. Otherwise, if a high school requires students to wear school uniforms, I think that uniforms must be comfortable for all students.
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the issue whether all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is the one
that is
open for debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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think
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
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wear
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
.
However
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should decide what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
themselves or by their parents.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
what they like. For several reasons, which I will mention bellow, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
should not
be required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
at high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if
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students
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
what they like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
.
Personally
, I like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
clothes which are comfortable.
Also
, I am a female and I like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
jeans and shorts, and as far as I know girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
skirts as part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with me that jeans are much more comfortable than skirts.

Second of all, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not cause any discomfort.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will find it unacceptable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the uniform's parts. I am from Russia and when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
of the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
I
was required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
that included a dark blue skirt and a white or light blue shirt. I did not like it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I did not like the fact that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were dressed
in the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
. We dressed the same
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
way and
we
were permitted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
any adornments.
Personally
, I did not like the fact that girls always had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
skirts and it was not convenient,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
weather.

In short, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
what they want.
Otherwise
, if a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be comfortable for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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